Monday, April 30, 2007

The update on the phone sex bus shelter ad






Did I somehow forget to mention that the gas-station-attendant-guy has diamond studs in his ears-- hello, thuggish bling! Do the two guys really have matching colored contact lenses -- is green the new blue? Okay, and the two patches on the attendant’s uniform, which isn't a one-piece at all, just as shirt hanging open with two patches where we might expect a pocket: one says New York Triple Fuze SOUL, the other says Gas ‘n’ Go PETRO-SOUL Attendant -- that's soul, twice, just in case you're worried this ad is soulless. Or maybe there's something about these guys’ tans that takes them out of ordinary whiteness, not extraordinary like the whiteness of their capped teeth -- no not capped -- what's it called when you get fake white things placed where your teeth would normally be? Bridges? I can't remember.

The one on the left is definitely scaring me the most -- okay, he doesn't have scenester facial hair like I remembered, just a five o'clock shadow. Maybe it's that smile -- the one on the right has glazed-over drug eyes and he’s smiling like someone just hit him and he's a blow-up doll so that's the only expression he makes, just a little more color in his cheeks. I guess his teeth look kind of like teeth, too – they’re bleached, but not lined up in that too-perfect way otherwise. But the one on the left, I guess it's a combination of the smile and the eyes, narrowing in like he's ready to kill if that’s the pose you ask him for, just snap the picture already and pay me.

4 comments:

Kathleen Bradean said...

Great. Now instead of scary clown nightmares, it'll be phone sex ad guys. The crazy smile dude looks a bit like the Joker from Batman, but with slightly less makeup.
Maybe the subliminal message here is that the guys you'll be talking to are creepy.

mattilda a.k.a. matt bernstein sycamore said...

Kathleen --

Great to hear from you! Subliminal message, indeed -- extensive research indicates that this hunch may very well be true...

Love --
mattilda

James said...

This blog post is over a week old, but it came back to haunt me. I am in Greenville South Carolina, and picked up "Q Notes", the queer newspaper of the carolinas. That picture you have posted here is in an advertisement in the newspaper. Those two guys look way worse on newsprint than they do in color on the computer screen on your blog!!!

mattilda a.k.a. matt bernstein sycamore said...

Oh, no -- in Greenville, South Carolina too! Apparently there's also an ad with those guys stripping down, I will have to do an update once I find that scariness...

Love --
mattilda