Saturday, July 28, 2007

What I hate the most about fibromyalgia





It's when I hurt myself while I'm trying to help. Myself, I mean I'm trying to feel better. Like I'm on the bus to the new acupuncturist, holding onto the rail at all of these awkward angles and the bus is packed, within minutes I'm so hypoglycemic that I want to kill someone, I mean actually I'm just angry at myself for being in this space, angry at the bus for not allowing me more, I mean not even a little corner on the floor where I can sit down. By the time I get a seat, I already know that my body is ruined.

Or dancing, you already know about dancing -- I'm still recovering. Earlier tonight I went to dinner with Katia and it was beautiful and energizing really, until now, when everything hurts, and I can track the pain back to the chair I was sitting in, I knew it would hurt but I didn't know it would hurt this much. Because it doesn't hurt right away.

Or maybe I shouldn't have stayed in the car chatting after we arrived at my house, my body turned at an awkward angle. I do appreciate precision, but I wish I didn't have to think about all of these routine dangers. These days I hurt myself sleeping, wake up with my neck twisted in an awkward position.

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