Sunday, July 01, 2007

Why I can't give up on public sex, I just can't give up

Okay, so it's the moment when this guy walks into the room with the glory hole, and then I walk next door, we each put a dollar in our respective machine, I'm looking through the hole to see what he wants, then his jeans are down his cock bending upward through the hole and it's like there's nothing else in my life right now I mean I'm practically a cliché for his cock, this old story is that the name of the movie? Of course we’d have to take out practically, practically doesn't sell.

So the point is that I'm crazy, even though I know I'm fucking up my neck right now nothing matters except for getting him off, that's right nothing else matters. Except that I’m also trying to get a picture of myself in all of my rabid glamour, although I'm worried he'll notice or I'll move into an uncomfortable position and then our rendezvous will reach its time limit. This possibility is too much to handle, I put the camera down. Although then I'm worried I'm going to leave it, so I reach over and replace it in my pocket, making the angle of his cock in my mouth somewhat awkward but luckily I know how to recover quickly like I just turned my whole body to the right for another reason like some tricky maneuver this guy didn't anticipate.

I can tell he's feeling my technique because his cock isn't moving, that means he's pushing as far as he can against the barrier, to get into my throat, oh that's what I want I mean that's what I'm giving but am I sucking too fast, back and forth with such abandon no not abandon this is ravenous excitement plus drive although how does that differ from abandon? I don't want to say desperation but you know what I mean, I mean I'm trying so hard to get him off which isn't always the best method. I slow down, lips to the barrier and then he's thrusting, oh I love it that he's thrusting. Then he pulls back and starts jerking off, I say do you want to come in here I mean in here this booth with me, he says I'm okay and then it's back in my throat, the only thing that would be better is if he had his hands on the back of my neck but maybe then there would be something wrong like the smell of his breath or I'd kiss him on the neck and he’d gets scared or I'd lose one of my earrings so maybe this is perfect except for the angle, like I have to get above his cock a little because of the way it curves and then lean my head both down and up that's okay.

All of this sucking, I love this sucking, what is it about this sucking, just the way it opens everything and the time has long ago run out on the video screen so you can really hear me gulping I'm fantasizing that someone's peeking in from the hallway since without the video running the light is on, they would have a great view I love that view. Then the guy’s jerking again, then back to my mouth, throat muscles and everything it's like this is the only thing I want to do for the rest of my life I mean really you know I mean really really really, then I realize maybe he wants me to jerk too although I always try no-hands for top-notch treatment but as soon as I start jerking he's moaning yes, oh yes, I have to listen carefully to make sure it's him and not a video but yes it's him moaning oh yes, yes oh yes oh. I'm jerking slowly now, mouth around the rest and then I hear oh yes, there's something kind of straight about the way he sounds I can't help liking that too I mean it's just masculinity, strangely I probably sound that way too when I'm coming and then I taste it, sweet in my mouth I mean sometimes it's bitter not sweet at all I get disgusted like why not just pull away at the last minute except for that sensation of someone else's release I keep sucking and jerking and then he pulls back I put my mouth right at the hole in the wall between us, see him jerking, then he stuffs it back in my mouth that's where I want it all of it he pulls back, then stuffs it back, this goes on for a few more thrusts there's a rhythm to it then he pulls away again and he's pulling up his jeans, I get a chance to say thanks that was great before he exits.

I compose myself and I'm back in the hallway, smiling and sassy I fix my hair in the bathroom but actually it's not messed up at all -- oh, right, there was a wall between us. Back in the hallway, there's an influx of guests because it's almost 2 a.m., a group of three guys who look younger and trendier than the usual arrive and I'm cruising the one with a bald head and pegged jeans but I think he’s intimidated because of his friends. Then there’s a tweaker who's a regular, he's kind of smiling I appreciate the smile, then there’s the guy who was chasing me earlier, and then someone impossibly hot walks right down the stairs, dark hair with sideburns, red shirt, I motion him into a booth but he looks confused, then I say come in and he follows.

This is the best moment really, when everything just flows from one guy to the next I mean this is the potential of public sex, it's why I can't possibly give it up, even if my chances are 50-to-one to get to this place I'll still keep trying. This guy wants to know what I'm on, I'm familiar with that discomfort. It's all about making out with him, I mean making out in the booth and later I've even got him pressed against the wall in the hallway, liquor breath maybe he wants some of what I've got I've got something yes I've got something I've got it, yes I've got it right now I've got it yes please don't take it away.


Alex Blaze said...

Sometimes I feel 50 to 1 myself. Like going to hook up after hook up looking for the one that will give me back that feeling that I've had with only a few guys. I don't know how many hours I've logged in at in that search, although I've improved my screening method and saved on gas.

Hmmm, never been into oral myself, though, prolly b/c i'm too easily distracted.

Why do I come on to your blog late at night to comment on myself? Let's talk about you:

Good post!

mattilda a.k.a. matt bernstein sycamore said...

Alex, well they always say that good writing should make you reflect on yourself, right? Or, if they don't say it, then I do so yes, feel free to visit my blog late at night or any time to comment on yourself or anything you desire, I always appreciate the feedback!

And, since it's now July 1, and July 2 is just around the corner... I'm looking forward to a phone chat!

Love --

Sam J. said...

Somewhere (Close to the Knives?), Wojnarowicz has this amazing anecdote about his really sick friend who went home so his family could take care of him, and he announces at dinner "I just want to die with a big fat cock in my mouth."

What is it about the act that inspires such an otherwise-unattainable sense of... completion? Wholeness? Satiety?

mattilda a.k.a. matt bernstein sycamore said...

Sam, thanks so much for writing! Yes, I remember that anecdote from David Wojnarowicz oh David Wojnarowicz!

... And still the question, yes the question, the question endures -- just now I was thinking about going back to the Nob Hill Theatre...

Love --