Monday, September 24, 2007

The fog of desire, a traffic signal out of whack

How to express anything when the brain fog surrounds me, help -- the brain fog! I mean I like the fog outside that clears my head, this is the one inside that drains drains drains -- maybe it drained all the hot water away, is that why there's no hot water today? Later, much later -- I clear the fog with the fog of desire, but why do I have to do it on craigslist? Salivating over cocks in underwear without text, cocks out of underwear looking for mouths, hopefully mine, but I'm only sending photos of myself with personality, okay -- yes, personality on craigslist. The one of me with all my curls in place and I'm biting into a piece of toast -- yes, in spite of the wheat allergy!

Maybe everyone on craigslist is allergic to wheat -- of course I should’ve just headed over to the Nob Hill Theatre, it's Saturday night and at least there'd be someone there, or at least I could walk in circles through that hallowed hallway but now it's 2:08 a.m., the video booths close at 2:30 so maybe I'd get there with five minutes to use the bathroom, blow my nose, walk around in an almost-circle except looping instead back up the stairs and out the door. Then walking home through all the drunk tourists and desperate addicts waiting for change. Writing this reminds me why I didn't leave -- because I'm exhausted, yes I'm exhausted again even if I briefly conjured a libido. In the background, there's some sort of traffic signal out of whack, chirping in threes.

2 comments:

grantatee said...

hey sweetheart,

that picture is so cute of you.

i haven't had hot water in my building all weekend.

xo,
grant

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Thanks, darling -- maybe your building and my building share the same hot water heater (is "hot" water heater redundant, since what else would you use a water heater for except to heat the water, right -- but isn't that what people always say?), but anyway since our apartments aren't that close maybe it takes a while for the water to get hot considering the pipes stretch all of those 12 blocks and up the hill, sometimes the hot water gets lost...

Love --
mattilda