Saturday, September 29, 2007

Like my hands are just rolling over



In the morning, I'm sitting on the edge of the bed looking at my legs, my legs, whose legs? Looking closer: hairs so blond, these legs have gotten kind of tan. I brush my hands from knee to thigh, knee to thigh. They still don't feel like my legs. Is this just the fog of morning, the fog in my head as the fog clears outside -- if it's going to be a foggy day I want it to stay foggy! Just outside, so then my head can be clear, I'm trying to be clear here -- are these my legs?

Of course I know these are my legs, what I'm wondering is whether I'm always this dissociated, why can't I feel my legs? I decide to come back to this problem, treat it as an exploration. I do a forward bend, come back to the bed. Still it's like my hands are just rolling over but I don't really feel much at all. Eventually I'm eating, what I notice while I'm sitting in the chair in the kitchen is suddenly this prickly feeling in my legs -- oh, eating actually helps! I'll have to remember that. After I've finished a few bites I run my hands over my legs again, yes these are my legs I mean now I can feel them they can feel but still I wonder how much.


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