Sunday, October 28, 2007

In between

Okay, so you want to know what it's like when I'm standing in line at this event and there's a guy in line who I think is hot, he has an interesting style that I can't quite place -- charcoal pinstriped pants with a gray denim jacket and there's something about his hair that's hinting at rockabilly with a little poof bordering on a pompadour, or maybe that's his posture. Anyway, I like his look it's very polished there's a slight roundness to his features that feels comforting. The line is very long, he's maybe 20 feet away and I think of going up to him and saying I like your look -- just something casual and friendly, people say things like that to me sometimes although never fags really -- maybe they go to the same place where I am now, a nervousness bordering on silly from the distance but I don't have that distance.

I'm in a very social mood, talking to everyone around me -- making loud comments about everything, when we get inside I see the same guy across the aisle from me, another opportunity to say something but I just study his profile, pale skin and freckles. At one point I notice him looking at me and I do that thing that I always think is friendly which is that I smile but my eyes move away -- I'm wondering what that looks like -- maybe it doesn't look friendly at all, just like I'm a doll with detachable features. I get another opportunity in the hallway, he’s talking with maybe his boyfriend who I said hello to earlier I could just go up and say what do you think of the event? The point isn't so much to hook up but to get past my fears that the world will end if I say anything. My last chance happens after the event is over and he's standing right between me and a friend of mine, I'm saying I'm in a really social mood -- I feel like chatting. I mean that's what I'm saying to my friend, the guy in between doesn't look up from his cellphone, he's texting.


gina said...

oh mattilda, i love this one.
all the way from "okay" to "texting."

i love when we get more than one opportunity to say something and then we get to critique our every opportunity or missed opportunity. i love extra chances! and perfecting our moves! like when i learned from 12 hours of running into the same people (at... dare i say where... on this blog... dyke march!? who goes to that anymore? just you gina, with your retro haircut and your retro identity at retro dyke march. i know. that's what they all told me. but i got dates! even after the most missed opportunities and the worst pick up lines ever. ) i got to practice avoiding people and trying again, all in my head and not doing anything. after 12 hours, ya know, sometimes you get the courage! maybe that's all you needed, mattilda! 12 hours of standing in line! 12 hours taught me how bad pick up lines give no results. you need more than just a comment-- you need to start a conversation! a way to have some follow through. your ideas were way better than mine. even the missed opportunities are great, really, they just gear us up for next time. and then we'll be ready, honey. it will be great. or maybe we'll do all the same silly things over again. and be relieved when the person on the receiving end helps us to get somewhere from "nice socks."

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Gina, always a great to hear from you -- 12 hours, you truly are dedicated! And nice socks -- maybe I should try that, wait is that a pickup line? Someone just said that to me -- no, usually they say nice pants, that's the most common -- but it's not people who are trying to pick me up, at least I don't think so...

Okay, how's this:

Wait, didn't I see you in line 11 1/2 hours ago -- do you want to get some water, I mean do you need some water? I have water...

Love --