Friday, October 05, 2007

Over here

If there's anything good about being sick, it's that I sleep better or at least I sleep or I guess I just force myself, over and over again, back, back, back. But it works, except then I can hear the Blue Angels flying way too close I mean anywhere in the city is too close anywhere in the world really but here I can really really hear them, it's Fleet Week that's not relaxing. Someday there's going to be an accident, like they'll forget they're not in Baghdad and start bombing, there goes the Transamerica pyramid or more likely they'll fly too close to the ground and kill 16 avid World War II flight enthusiasts or they'll be a fire in the Marina or they'll hit the Golden Gate Bridge and that will be the end, they'll be banned from the city but why should we wait until then? Should I be organizing something -- organizing to ban the Blue Angels from San Francisco, all of those Red Bull-sponsored booths all over downtown, like last year when I looked inside the Adagio Hotel down the street and what the hell was that?

Oh, no -- I'm wired -- what time is it anyway? No, I don't want to take the eye mask off and look, I'm supposed to be sleeping as long as possible, that's right as long as possible -- if I just heard the Blue Angels it can't be that late except maybe they're just arriving, no when they arrive they’re quiet like they’re about to bomb I guess, it needs to be quiet and then. Then. Right.

I turn to the left side, maybe my shoulder won't hurt as much but actually the left side is worse then I'm back on the right, about to give up and then the best thing happens -- this dark cloud hits me from above left, yes a dark sleeping cloud and I do think why not a light calm happy one but I'll take whatever I can get, pulling it into my eyes and then back, yes back deep into the bed, yes the bed, yes.

But then I wake up, and why does my tap water smell like ammonia? I mean it really smells terrible -- something they disinfect it with I guess, I'm so glad I have a water filter but is it the right kind -- Chris just read some study saying carbon block filters hold a slime mold around them and then that's the water you're drinking. They always say reverse osmosis is the best, but that kind of system is like a couple thousand dollars. I'll stick with the carbon block for now, but speaking of mold, oh no the mold in my kitchen -- it goes away, and then I think the tiny changes I've made are helping, like the little dehumidifiers in each cabinet but today it's back so of course I'm wondering if I'll never get better from this cold because of the mold, that even rhymes.

Sometimes when I'm taking a shower, it's like there's someone in the shower above mine taking all my hot water I mean I'm not paranoid -- I actually like the woman upstairs, but what is going on? The hot water will slow to nothing but a trickle and then I'm freezing in the shower instead of soothing my muscles. Today it's fine, but isn't it annoying how sometimes when things are fine you're thinking about what it's like when they're not fine?

Andee calls, he saw Holly Woodlawn perform at a club in London, yes Holly Woodlawn the Warhol superstar, is she the only Warhol superstar that’s still alive? Andee says there's Joe D’Allesandro, that's right he's still doing Gap ads. Andee says Holly came out with some guy whose claim to fame was that he modeled for Robert Mapplethorpe and he just kept attacking Holly, who wasn't quite as mobile, she mostly just sat there and they sang Take a Walk on the Wild Side. Or maybe it was Wild Thing. You make my heart sing. Which would be worse?

Holly couldn't say much else, except something that sounded like here. And there. Then she kept going on about heroin, wrmp wrmp wrmp -- heroin, wrmp wrmp wrmp. So it was hard to figure out what was going on.

Just when I think today's the first day since I've been sick that I don't have to get back in bed after two hours, well then I go on a walk to get some fresh air, except I can't find any. I find cigarette smoke, pot -- tons of pot -- car exhaust, bacon -- why so much bacon? -- synthetic amber resin, something moist. Oh, the moist part is probably the air, but unfortunately after a block I realize that I'm about to walk too far, I'll get to that point where everything is a disaster. I try to get past the bacon, but then I turn around because I'm trying to take care of myself, that's right take care of myself -- turn the corner for the synthetic amber resin, back around to what's probably air but I don't have enough time to figure it out, then I'm back in the lobby and my upstairs neighbors are coming in too -- the woman who lives upstairs from me and her kid, plus her boyfriend who lives next door to her, I guess she probably didn't rush into her shower to take a shower at the same time as me, after all -- but wait, that was yesterday.

But I like riding the elevator with them -- they notice that I'm bundled up, I mean it's hard not to notice since I'm wearing a big coat, scarf around my face, even a hat. Oh, I say -- I'm getting over a cold. Apparently lots of people at the boyfriend's work have been getting that cold, but it's hard not to notice how hot he is, when he first shaved off all his curls I thought and that made him look too severe but in this light features are all soft. And this is the elevator fluorescent. I don't have to long to think about it, because then I'm back in my apartment and oh no -- I can't do anything but get in bed, I mean I could do something else but it would be a disaster. 8 p.m. -- same time as the last three days -- actually it's a little bit later than 8, I don't know if that's good or bad but what's terrible is that I don't fall asleep at all, get back up and everything is worse, mostly the brokenness in my head but where is that dark sleeping cloud? Over here, please -- over here!

2 comments:

steven said...

Joe D. is so fucking sexy! [Gap sucks, so sad]

In the film Trash, all he does is walk around NYC looking for drugs. There are two scenes that kind of get me going:

1) He meets this girl on the street. They go to her place and she kind of lets him slap her around before he fucks her. But. He can't keep it up for very long!;

2) He attempts to fuck Holly Woodlawn's pregnant sister. Holly Woodlawn catches him almost fucking her pregnant sister and she [Holly] feels totally betrayed. Ms Woodlawn delivers an awesome performance berating him.

I don't know. I feel trashy tonight. And the view from your window is a dream. I'd never go to sleep looking out of it.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Steven, this looks like the beginning of a magnificent story -- use it, honey -- use it!

Oh, and I usually don't try to go to sleep while looking at the view -- first I close the blinds, then I put the eye mask on. Sometimes these techniques are successful, other times who knows...

Love --
mattilda