Saturday, October 27, 2007

Tight and still like maybe I can camouflage into the bed

This is what's happening, just as I'm about to fall back asleep except it's like there’s fabric wrapped around my neck someone's choking me I'm pretty sure there's just empty space with a blanket far away but I want to check it's so uncomfortable. I move my hands there, across not right at the center too scary. No fabric, just skin. Then I'm awake again, thinking I shouldn't have checked because I knew there wasn't any fabric but it's hard to fall asleep when it's like someone's something's squeezing it all shut, the place for panic.

Everything’s stacked against this particular night of sleep: the guy's grunting orgasm next door, then his tv vibrating the walls, his phone conversation at least the white noise generator blocks out the details except my brain planning everything else. Whenever I get deep enough then I wake up and when I get out of bed there’s extra sadness between my eyes. I'm touching my neck softly just to see, it's okay except at the center, what happens at the center is that everything stops my breathing my body moves back squeezes shut everything tight and still like maybe I can camouflage into the bed and they won't know I'm there.

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