Saturday, November 03, 2007

It's not that he's so nervous, nervousness isn't really sweet

But something funny happens at the Nob Hill Theatre. When I haven't come in six or seven days I start to feel slightly frantic about it, sometimes it's an exciting feeling other times it’s just like I'm the orgasm doctor saying once a week is what you need otherwise you'll get too frantic. Anyway, I'm at the Nob Hill Theatre just after 2 a.m., mostly just so my body can be in a different position in a different space and then maybe I won't be in so much pain. Remember that guy I was talking about -- the one who reminded me of Melvin, who I worked with at Harold's Newsstand in 1993? The one who always walks around and around in circles of disdain I can't tell if he ever hooks up with anyone. Anyway, now he's in my booth -- he says just give me two minutes I need to get a hard just give me two minutes.

Of course he's a tweaker -- why didn't I notice that before? I think it's because there's still a healthy roundness in his cheeks but it's true that he’s often walking very nervous and fast. Anyway, now he's in my booth and I'm kind of excited -- I'm already hard, the place closes in a few minutes and I'm just glad someone's joining me, especially this cute boy with soft skin, I'm kissing him on the neck with my dick just on top of his hands jerking off he's not touching my dick except for the fact that he's touching his, which makes me think that maybe he's straight or something -- of course that sounds ridiculous, since he’s at the Nob Hill Theatre literally every night, and this is San Francisco, right? Anyway, all I really want to do is to hold him and kiss his neck -- he's still trying to get hard, he says will you suck it I'll get hard right away. I'd already decided earlier that I wasn't going to suck anyone's dick because I had some allergic reaction to food last night and it gave me all these sores in my mouth. So I shake my head.

Now he's holding me from behind like he's going to fuck me, I say put your hands under my balls. He's doing that momentarily but then he’s focused again on trying to get hard, he gives up and starts to pull up his pants I say wait, put your hand under my balls and then I'll come. There's something that’s sweet about him -- it's not that he's so nervous, nervousness isn't really sweet -- something about the way he doesn't seem totally callous even in his self-absorption, he smiles a little and grabs me tight from behind and starts slamming his body into me like we’re caught up in passion I'm already moaning, then he says are you done yet? I say keep going, that's hot, and one of the buttons from my sweater falls to the ground he says yeah I'm going to come yeah. I'm pretty sure he's not going to come but for a second I think about it anyway and then I'm coming even though I was totally hard before and now I'm not quite hard, why do I always think about such performance details?

Then the guy's running out of the booth, he leaves his baseball cap and I'm drinking a lot of water from the fountain because Carole left me a message once that said make sure to drink a lot of water, when you have fibromyalgia you need a lot of water. I always drink a lot of water, except maybe when I'm in public without a bag and then sometimes I forget. The walk home actually feels so refreshing -- maybe endorphins mean I'm not in pain right now, that's probably part of it too but also the fresh air suddenly still and I'm wearing new shoes, these are a size 12 instead of size 11 1/2 -- every time I left the house in the other's shoes, my feet immediately started to hurt but I kept thinking they can't be too small, can they? I used to wear size 11, until feldenkrais helped me to put more weight on my feet instead of holding everything up like I'm walking on ice, like everything’s runway everyone will move I'm moving through except that's good for runway but not all the time because it's not upright like it seems just like all your weight is leaning back. Even just walking in circles at the Nob Hill Theatre the arches of my feet used to burn. But tonight things are different, for a few minutes I'm not in pain.

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