Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Just not where it was before I went to explore

Today it's so beautiful out it's almost startling, the air so clear the sun shining through strips of tender clouds evaporating ribbons. I actually get outside before dusk, 4:30 p.m. and the 27 is going uphill so I jump on it -- maybe I'll go to the Nob Hill Theatre, even though I shouldn't go to the Nob Hill Theatre now it's beautiful out I'm trying to experience daylight out in the world so expansive, not just my fire escape also expansive but there's a wall behind me, my apartment, from the fire escape I can only walk around inside, oh these are my walls. I get off the bus at Bush, but no I'm not going to the Nob Hill Theatre just to walk around and get super-sketchy because I'm sure I haven't eaten enough yet. At Hyde I'm crossing the street, looking to the left, downhill with the pale blue sky and the soft light, hills and houses and hills for dreamland. Some guy’s crossing with me I'm looking to see if he's hot -- do other people do that all the time, look at everyone to see? I can't tell until the other side of the street when I look back at his tight brown corduroys, oh.

I meant to stop here and look more at the buildings sloping down into sky -- that's why I turned around, but then I realize I'm two blocks away from that thriftstore run by the Cathedral school and it's just before 5 p.m. when they close, I don't know if I've ever been up here this early. At least I think it's before 5 p.m., except when I get to the store it's actually closed I mean it's closed permanently -- there's a sign that says please take your donations to Goodwill. Like Goodwill needs donations! Not that the Cathedral school needs any money either, but they could've at least supported a smaller business, one of the other thrift stores run by corrupt churches.

Anyway, I go into the costume shop because that's next door, the guy there looks at me like he's never seen a space alien -- um, haven't you been selling costumes for like 30 years? But the problem is when I'm walking back home and I realize I've already crossed the line into exhaustion, the point is to stop right before not after, after’s so much harder to get from. Or half way, just under half way would be the best idea because then I can turn -- but what device would I need to measure, everything’s so precise here in the pain factory brain drain! So then I'm back home, back home away from home in my head I mean my head’s away maybe not away just not where it was before I went to explore where it was.

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