Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Anywhere else but Northern California dreaming

Okay, so the neti pot just might be the answer -- I mean, the last time I used one regularly I ended up getting fluid in my inner ears -- no, that wasn't from the neti pot, what was that from? That was from using an ear candle to get the wax out, for some reason I had one in my bag one night when I went to meet this hooker in New York who wanted to do a trade -- that means sex for free, I think he disguised a little bit by saying he had a bunch of clients who liked doubles, but whatever. He lived in some towering soulless building in Midtown that was a bit posh for a hooker, he was trying to give me steroids he said you'd look really great, try them it's on me -- maybe he was a steroid dealer. Anyway I had the ear candle and so I asked him to do it for me and all this wax came out like almost more wax than the wax in the candle which didn't make sense because how long is your ear canal? And I still couldn't hear anything. Eventually I went to the ear doctor, they said there wasn't any wax in my ear, it was fluid and I needed an operation. No way is what I thought -- so what if I couldn't hear people when they threatened me on the street, I could just smile and say hello like I always did anyway.

Eventually the fluid went away, but why did I stop using the neti pot? I guess I thought it was making things worse rather than better, although there was also that story about some yogi who was using salt water from the ocean but he didn't know there was a toxic sewage dump just down the way and he ended up getting brain cancer. It might've been that story that got me to stop, but right now I'm desperate -- it can’t make things worse, right? And so far it's working, I haven't gotten the sinus headache yet.

But wait, oh no -- oh no oh no oh no! I just had to take a break from the computer for two hours and then turn the contrast of the screen down before looking again at these black letters on white. I know you're thinking that was fast but fast is how it happened -- it all started with some bright blue-and-yellow background boring into my head I mean forehead like suddenly my eyebrows were blurring my vision. It's still not so clear, but somehow my mood is staying okay, earlier I was sitting on the fire escape in the sun thinking how much more manageable my seasonal depression has been this year, since now the sun still reaches my fire escape in the winter, unlike my last apartment where I went practically three months without direct sun into my eyelids. I was thinking what an essential ingredient of my daily living, how could I ever live anywhere else? I mean anywhere else but Northern California dreaming, but I also mean anywhere else besides this fire escape, until the sun goes down like it always does and then it's time to try to get outside.

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