Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Like I'm a little kid and I can just be me and it's okay

Who knew that a good day could start at the dentist, really at the dentist -- they give me the last available afternoon appointment because I chewed on a rock and I'm worried that I chipped a tooth. Turns out there are chips on a lot of my teeth -- probably from grinding, everybody grinds -- that's what the dentist says. He also wants to know what kind of hairspray I use.

But the chips don't go through, so there's no need to do anything except wait and make sure the pain goes away. Well, that's good news -- I wasn't in the mood for blood. Then I'm outside so early in the day -- after dark, but it's only 5:30 so I rush into a thriftstore on Polk where I've never been because they close too early -- it's not as exciting as it looks from outside, and it smells like they sprayed Glade on all the clothes but I actually find three pretty French cuff shirts that are a hundred percent cotton -- they're way too big, but I can get them altered -- it's almost impossible to find the hundred percent cotton ones, all the pretty ones are polyester from the ‘70s and I can't wear that it gets too scratchy. Then I even rush into the blinds store across the street, just to see what would block out all the light, and I have to meet Gina back at my apartment at 6 p.m. but I'm right down the street from Real Foods so I rush over there to get dishwashing liquid and detergent and lemons, wow they have the most amazing organic lemons -- huge but neither mushy or overly firm, just the right shade of yellow not that brightness that's alluring but turns out overly sweet or the greenness that's too tart, just, well -- I guess lemon yellow, maybe.

But the real story is the boy who’s working at the other register, I'm looking at him and he's looking at me and I'm doing that thing where I'm wondering if he's straight because he's cruising me, even if he doesn't look straight there are all sorts of art school straightboys working at health food stores and sometimes even cruising me until I get up close and they say hey man. But this boy’s definitely watching me while he's ringing up someone’s groceries, distracted by focusing on what I'm saying -- what am I saying? Something about the music and don’t they get to choose it because the woman helping me is complaining why not Motown, I think a customer is requesting Motown he's from Detroit. Meanwhile, it's back and forth from my gaze to the guy at the other register, I should've gone to his register but it was too crowded, instead I wave like I'm even further away and say hi! Hi, he says. I say you're really hot -- do you want to go on a date?

So that's the highlight, okay? All that matters is that I say exactly what I'm thinking and then I feel that rush like I'm a little kid and I can just be me and it's okay, and then I need to rush to get back home and meet Gina.

6 comments:

Az said...

Shirts with French cuffs! Cute organic foodstore boys! "Hi you're really hot!" This totally made me bounce around for ages! I'm very glad for you.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Az, bouncing around for ages -- how sweet, I love that!

Love --
mattilda

grantatee said...

i love this!

and congratulations-- i love this authenticity!!

xoxoxo

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Authenticity? But wait -- I hope that's always there...

Love --
mattilda

grantatee said...

don't you worry darling, i love your authenticity is every moment. maybe i meant to say i love hearing about these risks you are taking..?!.

xoxo,
grant

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Oh, good -- that's a relief... Risks, yes risks -- that's a good way to phrase it. Vulnerability and risks towards intimacy...

Love --
mattilda