Thursday, January 24, 2008

As soon as they get soft they become rags

When I bite my cheek, it makes this awful tearing sound and then I'm worried about blood again -- I can't go to the Nob Hill Theatre if I'm worried about an open wound in my mouth, we all know there's nothing to do there if I'm not sucking cock. Something pokes my thigh, ouch, I reach down to see what it is and the whole bottom seam of my boxers rips right off -- that always happens, as soon as they get soft they become rags.

Luckily this time I don't bite my cheek too deep, although Chris says he could hear it over the phone if you put a tissue in there you can see if there’s blood. I try it -- gross, the tissue tastes awful, I mean it doesn't taste awful it feels awful somehow it's dry and abrasive and invasive all at the same time, just this tiny tissue. There's a little bit of yellow -- that could just be something on my teeth, right? But on the other side where maybe the dentist poked me, I don't know, over there it's still swollen it's been swollen for over a week why does it take so long for everything in my body to heal?

It's so cold in my apartment that I decide to open up the oven and sit right next to it -- kind of like a campfire, I think, and it's nice because my legs are underneath that's where I always get too warm like at night when I'm hugging the pillow I start sweating and I get a rash. There's that feeling in my neck, suddenly I feel it because I was thinking about lying down last night it was so annoying -- lately I've decided that when I start to panic and think something's there I can brush the hairs on my adam’s apple gently with my fingertips just to remind myself oh, it's just skin. Although right now that's making everything feel more awkward, I keep rearranging my clothes even though my clothes aren't moving there's something inside my neck that is.

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