Wednesday, January 02, 2008

This claustrophobic wrenching into my eyes

Oh no -- as soon as Gina walks in the door, I smell this overwhelming perfume. Gina doesn't wear perfume, so I figure it's something in the hallway, until it fills my whole apartment I'm trying to be polite to see if it goes away first, so I open the windows but still it's like there's nowhere to go. Turns out it's this new lotion Gina got as a gift, oh no what a gift I can't even talk about it it’s so intense the way it blows into the room and then I can't think, I mean I can only think about how terrible I feel. I'm boiling eucalyptus and it clears my head for a few minutes but it doesn't save me, Gina washes off the lotion but I can still smell it I can't believe I'm this sensitive, I mean I can believe it but then it turns out that it's not just the lotion but Gina’s conditioner that has the same scent. The irony is that she's here to help me with things I can't do so well because of pain, six hours a week but now there's more pain and it's an accident I feel like an accident. Gina tries washing off the conditioner, but that doesn't work either and after she leaves I can still smell it, this claustrophobic wrenching into my eyes my brain just sadness overwhelm so I'm out the door to go to the Nob Hill Theatre to get some air, right, air. Wow it's so much scarier there earlier at night, I guess this is the crowd that goes to the actual strip club, older men a bit dressed up and looking dazed. At least I forget about the perfume until I get back home and the smell has cleared but my forehead is twisted I’m filled with this angry energy that isn’t energy it’s just anger at the fact that I don't have any energy but that's its own kind of energy like I need to go somewhere but where, I need to feel something but what, just something else I mean something else, something else please.

1 comment:

grantatee said...

oh, no. im sorry that this overwhelm happened.
love you,