Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Who needs straight homophobes when you've got The Advocate?

When I saw that the January 15, 2008 issue of The Advocate had an article at the end called “The Sissy Awards,” forgive me for hoping for just one moment that the gay newsmagazine of record might have briefly come to their senses in order to reward gender defiance of the nelly variety. Sorry, girls, according to The Advocate, the Sissy Awards are meant to recognize "those who show arrogant stupidity, dishonesty, or just a severe lack of spine."

That's right -- no need to reclaim language, let's just accept the validity of virulent homophobic stereotypes, i.e. that any swishy queen bringing fever to the powers-that-be is actually a vicious traitor to the nation. But The Advocate actually goes further, and remakes the sissy stereotype to include bigots of all persuasions. I kid you not.

A quick look at the Sissy Awards shows us that the Republicans are the "Sissy Political Party," because some of their representatives have been caught looking for gay sex. Apparently that makes them sissies, because they’re unable to live up to their right-wing ideals. The Advocate shares no thoughts on police entrapment. Nothing sissy about that.

The Advocate tells us that the “Sissy Extracurricular Activity of the Year” is sex in public bathrooms, not the homophobia of Fort Lauderdale Mayor Jim Naugle, who proposed spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on specially-designed public restrooms that would discourage amorous encounters. Oh -- and Fort Lauderdale is the "Sissy Vacation Destination" because the person in charge of the PA system at the airport was quoted as announcing, “A man who lies with another man as he would a woman is subject to death.” That's right -- the reading of lunatic passages from Leviticus is definitely sissy behavior.

Oh -- and "Sissy Grandpa" is none other than Dick Cheney, because he wouldn't answer questions about his daughter's new baby. Nope -- he doesn't make the list for helping to engineer a war for oil profits, that's what real men do. And everybody knows that real men aren't sissies. Unless they won't answer questions about their gay daughter's baby.

“Sissy Candy of the Year” Snickers, for the gay ad that ends up in a bashing . "Four-star Sissy?" General Peter Pace, who called homosexuality "immoral" while chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. "Sissy Internationale?" Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Iranian president who claimed that there were no homosexuals in Iran.

Everybody knows that only sissies are homophobes, right? Thanks to The Advocate for clearing everything up.


D. said...

brava, sister! amen!


mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Thank you thank you thank you, curtsy...

Love --

Clayton Robbins said...

Cheers to you! I was mortified to open The Advocate only find my hopes trampled upon. The only saving grace: knowing that I was reading it from the comfortable seat of my toilet.

Where is the sissy grandpa award for the elder faerie that watches over us and walks with us?

Or 'the sissy truth-teller in blog format' award... That would be yours.


Panic said...

The headings could be found in Maxim or something!

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Clayton, "the sissy truth-teller in blog format" -- you are too kind!

And Panic, Maxim indeed -- maybe they could do a double issue with The Advocate, or actually the Advocate has gotten so small these days that it could be an insert in Maxim...

Love --

JordanV said...

I am surprised yoy even flipped through the Advocate,Miss Mattilda. You surely did not have any hope. When I was much younger, I would love to read the Advocate, now however-no. I get it for some unknown reason( I did not subscribe to it)I find it bland and vaccuous to say the least.I have started checking out The Gay and Lesbian Review lately. It is difficult to find here in Seattle. We don't even have a proper LGBT bookstore anymore.Each issue covers one subject by several writers.Kind of a LGBT New Yorker on one topic.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Jordan, well perhaps hope was an overstatement... from time to time, however, I simply must check in on the gays -- generally I search to find out what books are being reviewed, but, um... oh, there aren't any. Then I tend to find one scandal or another, and read for as long as I can handle -- sometimes it helps, to keep the anti-assimilationist critiques rolling...

Love --