Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Standing on the corner

I can't believe I cooked an entire pot of black-eyed peas with cilantro -- cilantro is disgusting in black-eyed peas, it tastes like a cross between dirt and the carpet. Actually, maybe that's because I put in way too much seaweed in, and cooked the beans on low instead of high so that they wouldn't steam up the windows. That enhances the seaweed flavor instead of making the seaweed blend in. It's all right after a while.

Meanwhile, I also can't believe that I watched that hackneyed piece of garbage last night -- I hate the way it stays in my brain, sometimes bad movies are the ones that last the longest. At least it distracted me for two hours and I didn't feel like the world was crushing me, then I even had a half hour afterwards while I was waiting for the bus on the corner and the air was so fresh, I studied the silhouettes of the buildings across from the CALA Foods that looks like a spaceship, looking at anyone who approached I mean really looking looking looking. Ready for some kind of adventure, I guess, anything really. It felt so quiet, whenever I leave my neighborhood I feel like San Francisco is a small town I mean around here it doesn't feel that small. Like the other night when I went to the Castro to look at the Gus Van Sant ‘70s realness, and then I went to Safeway to get something to eat because everything else was closed and I was sitting outside with my loaf of bread because that's the only thing they had for me, and I thought the same thing: San Francisco is such a small town.

The next day I woke up and my jaw was so horribly tense, probably from a wheat allergy I was grinding it. But anyway, standing across from CALA Foods I start to dance a little when I'm not sitting on the fire hydrant because there's no bus stop. And my body doesn't hurt, so that's kind of exciting. Wait I mean my shoulders hurt but they don't hurt more -- that's an important distinction. When I get home, I'm so exhausted that I get angry, angry at myself for standing on that corner for too long because maybe if I'd just jumped in a cab then I wouldn't be so exhausted.

The truth is that it probably doesn't make a difference, I actually enjoyed standing on the corner except when there were smokers nearby, but this is what happens now when I get to that point when I can't function: I start blaming myself. Because I don't know what else to do.

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