Saturday, March 22, 2008

Punk punk punk punk pussy

The beach, oh the beach -- I haven't been there in so long. Just seeing the ocean from the bus is enough to get me excited and when I arrive it's not as cold as I thought it would be, but then I remember I'm across the street and once I get to the other side it's a different story, especially once I walk down the stairs and into the sand blowing everywhere but oh all this light and air I keep walking. I forgot how flat the beach is over here, sand stretching on and on if I didn't have this bag I could twirl around or something except it's freezing I'm so glad I have this new scarf that I can wrap around the old scarf and then I feel warm, especially once I get closer to the ground on the sheet that I can't stop from blowing everywhere except once I put my bag on one corner, food on another, one shoe on each of the others but still there's sand everywhere. That's okay, I'm sitting in the 5 p.m. sunshine, smiling at the birds and even the dogs running so fast it's crazy I mean I don't want a dog but if I had a dog I’d have to bring it to the beach, look at how much they love it!

My face starts to hurt, which always happens when I'm in the cold near water, maybe something about the moisture but now I'm thinking it's something about how I hold my jaw or the way my scarves are too tight and my shoulders get all tense. The sand is more comfortable than I remembered, that's right you can shape it to support your body. My food gets all sandy but I'm eating it anyway, a little grittiness between my teeth.

The sun is so much different here with no buildings to block it, nothing but all that water straight ahead I mean I thought it would be setting but it's nowhere near the horizon yet. 6 p.m. already and it's too cold to stay but I climb up to the benches overlooking the beach and it's a little warmer, then I end up walking towards the windmills to see if I can find the cruising because she's too will I be near the windmills? Just when I think I've walked the wrong way there are too many people on this path it must be the other way, that's when I stumble upon a few guys standing just by a fence, hidden in a little wooded area between the soccer field and the road. They each have their own little clearing and I wonder about these spaces carved by generations of gay footprints. I also wonder if the generations are coming to an end, because these guys were probably here in the ‘70s or if they weren't then they could have been. No one's having sex, just standing or walking around, that's what people do in cruising areas these days. Maybe it gets busier after dark, but whenever I'm somewhere way after dark and there's no one around I think maybe it's busier earlier. Who knows -- there's a dusty clearing and I guess it's the garbage dump for the park, lots of elaborate graffiti on the dumpsters and then simple red letters from the homophobic set on top: PUNK PUNK PUNK PUNK. PUSSY.

I can't believe I'm walking this far with my bag, I'm already worried about pain tomorrow but now I have to get back to the bus which is the other way, oh here's a public bathroom, some guys playing something on the field -- two different somethings, I guess, because they're playing in different directions. Two fags standing right outside the bathroom, someone probably straight turns to look at me while he's pissing but I'm not really feeling it. I sit in front of the field and try not to watch, mostly people are watching me as they're leaving, I'm so glad I brought my new scarf with the purple and green stripes wrapping around each other and then it reverses on the other side and it looks great with plaid, that's for sure. Eventually I get back to the bus stop, the sun's going down and now it's almost as cold here as it was on the beach before, everyone's looking around like they can't believe how long the bus is taking. The problem with this stop is that you can see the bus idling right across the street because it's the end of the line, but that doesn't really tell you much about how long you're going to have to wait.

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