Friday, March 14, 2008

Washing away everything that's sinking me

Oh, no -- one of those days when I wake up thinking finally now I could sleep. Except it's 3 p.m., flushing the toilet I miss the sound of the water when it keeps running, it did that for a year and a half and I'm just not used to my apartment without that sound, can you flick the handle a few times so that stops?

Or, just dealing with it. But now it's fixed, and I feel lonelier.

I'm thinking about those times when someone comes over the house and I smell something in their hair and my whole day changes, my mood sinks and suddenly I'm suffocating just because of hair products or not suffocating but claustrophobic, trying not to breathe as much. Actually, it's only happened with Gina, but it's happened several times I guess it's happened enough that, on days like this when I miss the sound of the toilet running running running I think of hair products.

Usually it happens outside my apartment, like I get in the elevator and oh no, perfume! Or outside: cigarettes, pot smoke, more perfume, pollution. But outside I can scan ahead for the hazards and turn left, right, dodge.

It's amazing how much hot shower can do, washing away everything that's sinking me, water against water, bounce. Lately there hasn't been enough hot water, as soon as it gets hot I'm wondering if it will slow to a trickle a cold trickle I'm left freezing. But today it stays hot, slows only for a few moments but mostly it's a powerful flow washing over me pounding into my shoulders. I just wish the shower head were a bit higher so that it would relax my neck, I wouldn’t need to kneel in the tub to feel the water over my head. But I'll take what I can get, today I've got a hot shower.

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