Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Winding down

It's the time of night when I'm supposed to be winding down, winding down, winding down, right, winding down. Oh -- winding down right that's what I'm doing -- winding down.

Instead I'm enraged about craigslist, yes craigslist I know why would I possibly go to craigslist? I'm enraged because the fucking system keeps blocking my post and I keep having to click and clicking hurts my hand my body already hurts from just sitting in front of the computer, just sitting makes my body hurt but clicking is worse, clicking and sitting, and I keep clicking anyway because I can't figure out why I'm getting blocked, and then I post something about that, but also about cocksucking, and then that gets flagged which means it's immediately removed and then I'm sitting here enraged and I try to post something on a forum which is what the message says to do but that doesn't work either.

I know -- I should ban myself from internet cruising, it never leads anywhere anyway except right back to the pain drain I guess it's not a drain because a pain drain would mean it goes away, right? Maybe it’s a drain pain, no just a drain drain drain it's so draining!

Today's a hard day -- I started out obliterated, the music circling around me but not really getting in except when I went outside I felt okay, over to the copy shop downstairs, up the block to get bok choy and basil, down the street to my mailbox and then back. And then I felt like my day just beginning was over I mean it was hard even to keep my face from sliding into closure. Gina came over and we did things -- we did things, that was good, right?

Then I thought okay, I'm banned from Blow Buddies so I guess I'll try the internet, first the cruising sites where I just wait so I don't have to look but I think about it and that’s tiring, and then fucking craigslist I mean I don't understand how so many people have the patience for craigslist or any of this internet garbage, there was Robbie online again I mean maybe he just forgot to log out and I can't remember what I changed his name to so I'm just calling him Robbie, he was the guy in finance, finance was what he was in but he was sweet and the last time I was on this cruising site he said hello, any tips, but the only tip I have is to shut the thing down! I didn't say that, I just said I hate cruising online I wish all these people were out cruising somewhere in public that would be more fun. Except it probably wouldn't be more fun, because it would be these people and they would be looking for the computer screen, click. But I said: we could have sex, right because he said something about phone tag I said pick up the phone now. But he was deciding between going out and going to bed, but really probably just more clicking clicking clicking so satisfying the chronic pain I mean the pain of clicking but also just the culture so much worse.

Anyway, there he is online, I can tell because it says so in my inbox the only screen I'm allowed to look at someone left me a message but I'm not attracted to him, really I'm not attracted to computer screen anything except writing I guess. Writing about the computer screen computer scream computer.

Wait, what happened? Is that where this ends? I thought I wrote more, what happened to more? Oh right, I'm winding down...

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