Sunday, July 27, 2008

Kind of both

This guy grabs my dick like there's nothing else to me, I don't understand that kind of sex. I kiss his neck, even though I can't tell if I'm attracted to him -- it's always good to try and see. But then I'm kind of bored and maybe he's kind of bored, and then we're both definitely bored so that's enough. Oh, there's the one guy I am attracted to -- it's his big wavy hair and maybe somehow the green t-shirt but mostly it's because the look he's working relates to me in some way -- at Blow Buddies, most people are working old-school leather realness, post-circuit meltdown, or straight guy from the suburbs. I know I’ve mentioned that before but still I sink into something like apathy until there's that one guy so I hug him and he almost falls over, he says sorry I'm kind of drunk. I say that's okay. He says no, I mean I have to regain my balance, so then he’s stumbling away and I do the runway for a few minutes, glancing in the little rooms and there he is standing at a glory hole -- I guess that helps to regain your balance -- you can just lean against the wall, right -- and even if you fall, then you'll hit another wall. The guy in the room next to him is just staring at this guy's hard dick, why is he just staring? Then he leaves and I'm inside within seconds; he even holds the door for me.

Now I understand that kind of sex where there's nothing but someone's dick, and these glory holes aren't as uncomfortable as most I mean the wall almost supports my head. Maybe my neck won't even hurt afterwards. This guy likes to pull away from time to time and push his balls through cotton up against my face that's all right and then back to his dick I can tell he's getting close but then he does that thing where right when he's about to come he pulls away and buttons up without acknowledging me. I kind of expected that, but somehow it still catches me in that place of wanting more. I guess that's what it's supposed to do.

Looks like I won't have to see him walking around in circles for the next few hours because there he is checking out. I touch him and he gives me a look of complete disdain -- but the good part is that I don't let it phase me at all, I look him in the eyes with nothing but lust and it feels great. The next guy is someone who I'm not really attracted to, but I'm not unattracted to him either, which is true of most people here, and I like the way he holds my hand. We go in one of the booths it's like the entryway to the darkroom in my high school a round portal to block out the light. I'm ready for a hug, but he goes right down to suck -- it's not exactly what I want but I understand the methodology -- you better get it while you have the chance, right? That's what these places are all about, but in spite of his big lips and ability to take it all without moving, somehow his teeth are scratching scratching scratching me anyway. When he eventually stands up we're hugging and that's nice but I get tired like I'm ready for a nap and then I don't feel so present.

In the video room I'm realizing that the good thing about a place like this is that I can inhabit so many moods, no it's not a good thing yet because going into the maze I feel myself sinking into a hole but then I'm upstairs seducing this big Latino guy with fake diamond studs, not because I thought he was hot I mean he's hot enough but it was the way he cruised me that's when I noticed. I'm hugging him and grinding against him and it's funny because suddenly I have this charge like I can take control of any situation. But then I can't tell what he wants, so I say do you want me to suck your cock? He says oh, they already did that, a lot of that, which I think is hilarious: they already did that. They? He's one of the suburban straight guys, for sure.

So that's actually when I realize that the good thing about a place like this is that I can inhabit so many moods, right? But then I've been there too long, and a realization about moods can only last so long except now I actually want to come. Most of the crowd is the people who look like they've never left but there's this one guy with a harness on I mean I'm not necessarily attracted to harnesses but there's something about his big eyes. I'm standing against a wall in the dark, across from him against a wall in the dark and we’re staring at one another I mean doesn't harness mean you want someone to beckon you over I'm motioning with my eyes and chin but no motion from him, then with my hand but whatever for this scene, I'm over there sucking his dick and then everyone's around us so he wants to go upstairs or outside. I pick outside, right there's more air outside. We bump into someone who says this is like a maze, it's like a maze in here.

No, it is a maze. Outside with this new guy he’s sucking my dick and good it's finally everything, I mean everything is the exchange of our bodies moving into all these positions you wouldn't realize you could achieve standing up unless you’ve spent a lot of time in places like these. Like how am I grabbing his calves while he’s sucking my cock the back of his head while he’s pumping my face but especially I like my hand squeezing his ass and then I start to come and he pulls away but it’s fast enough that it doesn't ruin the thrust into the high where I'm hugging him and kissing his smoky lips and squeezing him tight and when he asks for my name he doesn't register any concern at the result and then I'm dancing to some song in the video room, what is this song I actually like it? Some disco song but they don't usually play disco here. I ask the guy who's in full ‘70s clone regalia, complete with a bushy mustache that’s so big it almost looks fake except he's the real thing, I mean he's probably had that mustache since the ‘70s. It's such a popular look for the uber-trendy faggots 30 years younger and I wonder what they think of guys like this one, probably just perfect and splendid when pictured in a tattered magazine weathered with age otherwise stay away. This guy comes closer, looks me in the eyes and his face almost the color of silly putty it's startling, where does he go during the day is what I'm wondering. Somehow he manages to get right next to me without moving his hand away from his Viagra’d cock and he says: I... like... orgy... videos.

I look up at the porn, some waxed specimen in a cage -- is this an orgy? The guy working coatcheck says he thinks this is a ‘90s song and he's probably right, that must be why I'm dancing. You gotta beat the clock you gotta beat the clock and I'm slow with technology so I probably wouldn't have looked it up online except that's what he suggests, sure enough it's 1998 but it's from a band from the ‘70s so I guess it's kind of both.

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