Sunday, August 24, 2008


Here's what I've done today: I woke up, did feldenkrais movements, finished my cooking, went on the fire escape and talked on the phone with Gina, then Ralowe and actually I felt pretty good, ready to go to a group dinner that actually sounded fun, even though it's at a Thai restaurant where I can’t eat anything except steamed vegetables I've been there before and it’s spacious and not too warm and I was glad too that the dinner had a time limit, 7:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. so maybe I wouldn't get too tired. Then I left the house to do a few errands: get Posumon at the Chinese herb store, a block and a quarter from my house; walk a block and a half to the mail place to pick up a package, walk another block and a quarter back to my apartment. And now I can hardly function at all, I feel completely destroyed, overwhelmed and exhausted and drained like what was I thinking how could I possibly socialize or even get to the restaurant?

Sometimes I feel like everything's getting worse, I mean everything with my body and exhaustion and my ability to function in the world and now I'm thinking about that doctor, the one that said congratulations when I said I've been vegan for 16 years and no doctor has ever said that to me in my life -- actually no healthcare practitioner at all. And I was excited about our next appointment, after a few tests, but I just got a message from the clinic the other day saying she’s no longer there and I haven't been able to call them back to figure out what the hell I mean she must've suddenly gotten fired because she made the appointment and maybe there's someone else who works there who’s also competent or even amazing but it's hard for me to imagine they'll say congratulations when I tell them I've been vegan for 16 years, especially when I've been struggling so much that it makes me question my commitment to veganism and whether it's not part of my health problems, but congratulations I guess that meant a lot to me.

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