Thursday, August 07, 2008

Impact

Dinner plans with two people who go to college in Arkansas, one of them reads my blog so I said sure, why not dinner? I like to be available for things like this. Today I don't feel like I'm available for anything. But I take a shower and then I sort of feel like I can face the world but not quite but I go outside anyway and get there remarkably fast I mean the buses are like a dream especially because the sun is setting so everything looks gorgeous. Maybe I should always take this bus at this time, and then I'll be okay.

I'm waiting at the restaurant a while, staring at the people in this neighborhood that I call Connecticut because it's all these big white yuppie jocks and blond women in pantsuits but people are a bit showier than Connecticut, so I guess it's Connecticut mixed with LA but it's called the Marina. It's always hard to believe this neighborhood exists in San Francisco, but that's what everyone here seems to think about me. That's why I think about Connecticut, are all the guys this tall in Connecticut?

Eventually my friends arrive, I say my friends even though I've never met them because there's a glow in Hollis’s eyes immediately when walking in the door and that makes me feel like it's okay that I just waited an hour. And then we talk about gender and queer identities and genderqueer and my books and they want to change the name of the campus feminist group to the Gender Liberation Organization and what is the most effective activism for where and creating space for people to express all the different gender possibilities creating space for people on the margins creating space to dream. They're doing a project about communes, driving around and touring communes across the US and what could be more about dreaming. I like the way they ask me questions it makes me feel useful, reminds me of why it's important to tour because I can meet people who are engaging with the ideas that mean something to me it means I mean something I mean it's my writing and editing and putting my work out in the world that I feel so drawn to and it's important to realize that sometimes it actually makes an impact.

4 comments:

grantatee said...

sounds like a nice night :)

did they have mushroom barley soup?

xo
grant

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

No mushroom barley soup, but the roasted beets were delicious!

Love --
mattilda

Bob "Hope" 52rdnydngrfld52 Oslo, Nownway H.E.P. said...

Girl - what you're doing does make an impact! I've wanted to respond to your posts for a while but have somehow felt intimidated? Not because of you necessarily but just the idea of putting my voice out there and exposing myself to scrutiny. But that's one of the things that is so inspiring about your work for me. That you can be so secure in voicing a critique of various aspects of our culture(s) as well as giving an account of the struggles in your daily life. And tying it all together. A quote I'm liking a lot these days:

"Bottom line, if people don't say what they believe, those ideas and feelings get lost. If they are lost often enough, those ideas and feelings never return."
- David Wojnarowicz

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Bob, thanks so much for your support and your brilliant analysis of this blog, me, my work, etc.

And yes, I love that David Wojnarowicz quote -- hope to hear from you more!

Love--
mattilda