Friday, September 12, 2008

It isn't working

Katia says when she sits at the computer for a while she gets freezing, which is strange because the opposite happens to me -- within a few minutes, I always have to take off at least one layer. I wish I could take off that layer between my head and the screen, or the layer of pain between my head and that layer and the screen. That sounds confusing, I mean what is that layer?

Exactly. Yesterday I said it's when everything closes off, but today it's still closed. Does that mean that everything wasn't closed off yesterday? Or that nothing has opened -- that make sense, I mean it doesn't make sense because I actually slept better but maybe I feel worse or no not worse because I don't feel like I’m going to fall apart I just feel like I might fall. I've been up for what, maybe 10 hours, but I still don't feel like I'm awake -- I'm trying to push through this wall but it isn't working.

5 comments:

ohthehorrror said...

That layer between your head and the screen...can you describe it more?

It sounds like you are describing what my shrink called "depersonalization". Well, that's how depersonalization feels for me anyways. I hate it.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Oh, don't worry, I'll describe it more... but not this afternoon, when I actually woke up feeling okay but it won't last, oh no it won't last!

But no, I would not call it depersonalization more of a fog wrapping around head twisting eyes closing possibility.

Love --
mattilda

Lisa Harney said...

Fogs = no fun. :(

Pain, too.

Lisa Harney said...

I'm sorry about that brief comment. I meant to say more but it didn't seem relevant.

I'm reading these posts that I've missed over the past few days and I want you to know that you have my sympathies and you're in my thoughts.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Thanks, Lisa -- that's very sweet! And I have no problem with brief comments -- yay for correspondence in all forms!

Love --
mattilda