Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Three dreams about Derek

In the first dream, we’re in Derek's room and he’s taking a pocket knife and cutting open his face right at the center from the top of his forehead down through his nose so that he can get his lips open to tell me something but the knife gets stuck right below his nose and I'm worried he won't be able to get further, we'll have to go to the hospital.

Second dream: all this phlegm stuck in my throat and I'm trying to pull it out with my fingers but I end up pulling out my tongue.

Third dream: I run into Derek on the street, he's carrying a huge heavy bag and I walk right by him but turn to the side so that I don't say hello and I walk to my house to smoke a cigarette but I don't want Derek to see that I have started smoking because of him.

I pull myself out of the first dream because it's too gory, this is on the train. I'm not sure how I know that the second dream is about Derek, except you know how dreams are. I think I had that dream before, before it was about my father. In the third dream, the landscape is a bus stop along a desolate road in a city that has burnt down, reds and browns and chimneys and dust everywhere except I guess the cabin where I'm living, red velvet curtains like I tacked up for so many years, kind of like my cabin when I lived in Provincetown and things did feel desolate except the surroundings were gorgeous like the way the water would filter through the light everywhere and in this dream there’s no water just ash no light except the blood of the reds.

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