Monday, November 17, 2008

New York, New York

In New York, you want everything and you get nothing and then you want everything and you get something small but you think it's something bigger and you want more but you get less and then you want everything again. I hated living here, but there is some truth to the cliché about a great place to visit. If you can afford to spend money every time you leave the house. After vegan Japanese macrobiotic food -- that's one of those moments for me -- it's so good that I want to go back for more right after I leave.

Walking through the West Village in the mid-afternoon, it's a stream of children's clothing stores and dogs and pet stores and babies, what a nightmare! Until I'm sitting in Sheridan Square, trying to experience something like direct sunlight before it all goes down, and right away this queen who's probably homeless or on the verge of homelessness says you better work, Mama, and I like the connections between this queen and her friend and some other older queers, a few mixed race couple and a few queer youth, just a glimpse of something now mostly lost among the tourists and the woman yelling at her froufrou dog not to run in the leaves Tansia! Tansia!

In New York I go from no energy to desperation to studying every male face for desire to thinking I have to go out, somewhere, anywhere, then no energy again -- all in about 15 minutes. Pretty much every 15 minutes, except when I'm talking to friends or running into Joe, who I haven't seen since my That's Revolting! tour four years ago when we met and had a fun romance but then he never called me back and we run into each other at the hair salon -- he hasn't gotten his hair professionally cut in 15 years, and he's on his way to volunteer at Bluestockings afterwards, where I’m reading tomorrow! He says it was meant to be, and I'm appreciating the sudden connection which is what brings me to the Japanese macrobiotic food, nurturing from two directions and then, for a few minutes at least, I'm not craving anything.

2 comments:

James said...

Glad to see you are reading at bluestockings. Hoping I can get away from the job to some see you

Sincerely,

James

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Hope to see you there, James!

Love --
mattilda