Sunday, December 28, 2008

The plane, you want to hear about the plane?

I’m thinking about how my desire feels reactivated from this tour, a presence in my body a dedication to finding sex that means something even in the moment I need to make it happen. I’m relaxed during the takeoff, but then there are knots in my ears like water from a swimming pool so I’m swallowing, then I get that allergy where I can’t stop swallowing, what am I allergic to? I turn to the side: where am I? Oh, I’m on the plane.

They like to get you drunk in first class, that’s what I’m thinking as the guy next to me gets his third Heineken in an hour, even though he only asked for one. The food doesn’t even look that bad but I don’t want to risk anything so I’m eating my quinoa and beans with the liquid squeezed out so they wouldn’t confiscate them as a potential terrorist threat like last time and I actually feel calm, they keep filling my teacup with hot water and I like that. First class is only first class because everything else is so awful, stretching in the aisle I don’t want to walk to the back where there isn’t as much air, that’s what I read in a book by a flight attendant who got cancer and so she researched all the hazards: there’s way more oxygen in the front, that’s what she says, so I’m in row 2, practicing the humming that the feldenkrais practitioner suggested, hum at exhale but don’t push then inhale fully, hum at exhale and it actually works to clear my breathing I almost feel okay. The truth is that touring saves me, reactivates my desires and imagination and engagement and now I just have to hold it, hold me.

Here’s what I bring in a sandwich bag because that’s all the liquids you can keep with you: saline spray in a metal can, this is the biggest item but it’s the only kind with no preservatives; eucalyptus oil to clear my sinuses; oregano oil as an antifungal; tiger balm to keep my body out of too much pain; New Chapter throat spray to protect me from the world of disease; liquid B12 but I forget about that the whole time so next time I think I’ll bring vitamin E. oil instead for my lips. Wait, did I just say next time?

Here’s what else helps: a hand towel to blow my nose so that it doesn’t get sore from tissue; TUMS for my stomach yes TUMS; lots of throat comfort tea I drink nine or 10 cups plus a few of macrobiotic mu tea but that one isn’t as tasty; All I Could Bare, a memoir about working at the male strip clubs that used to exist in DC, now they’ve been torn down for a sanitized stadium; the latest issue of make/shift; nori seaweed. And, of course, the rest of my food. Oh – and Fisherman’s Friend throat lozenges to keep my sinuses clear, plus a few of the ones I got from the acupuncturist even though they contain honey; an Olba’s inhaler but that’s the only mistake because it dries my sinuses out and then I have to use more of the saline spray, I’m so glad I have the saline spray! And yes, the humming practice, which I thought would be kind of conspicuous but no one notices or if they notice they don’t say anything. Oh, and don't forget about the homeopathic remedy -- that's the first thing that makes me so calm! I stand up as much as possible, dancing and stretching in the aisle, and I change into shorts as soon as I get on the plane -- I don’t know if any of this will really help but it is the first time my ears don’t shriek in pain at the landing, and when I get off the plane I feel delirious but not so bad yet, that’s what happened last time too but not the success with the ears and then I’m here in San Francisco, Jordan picks me up and we’re driving on the highway I’m trying to find something about this route that’s comforting so okay when we finally see the skyline and it looks bigger than I expected, until we’re driving through the edge of South of Market a corporate office park and people walking around from clubs they look out of place. I used to walk around from those clubs it’s Friday night, driving across Market and then up the hill so we can go to Cala Foods and this looks like such a weird little town with extreme contrasts. In the parking lot I think for a second wait, I hope I didn’t forget my shoes and Jordan looks down at my feet.


Craig Seymour said...

Just wanted to thank you for mentioning my book. All the best - Craig

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Honey, you are on -- I was planning to write to say hi after I finished the book, now I know where to write...

Love --