Thursday, December 25, 2008

So I can see the sun better

Here's what I'm thinking in Prospect Park: I should stay out here towards the front, so I can see the sun better. Until I decide the sun is down anyway, might as well check out the cruising area and sometimes all my desire feels situational, like I'm not even horny until there’s this guy in one of those big puffy parkas, walking through the snow for no particular reason except this is the particular place. I'm thinking I'll get on my knees in the ice and mud I'll do anything for those hands on the back of my head that warmth between his legs even though up close I can tell he's wearing enough cologne to cover this whole park but I'm ready anyway I can sense the approaching mud on the knees of my corduroys but then he walks away, I follow, he walks away.

The only other person around is someone I would describe as a crackhead, sitting in the bushes and smoking, just a cigarette but there’s the way his cheeks hollow into his eyes, maybe that's why the other guy ran away not just the fact that he refused to acknowledge my presence even from three steps away, Italian is what I'm thinking up close a decided haughtiness of masculinity. I follow him for another 10 or 20 or 30 steps I'm not counting but then it gets icier and I know he's not interested anyway, just that I've come to this beautiful park maybe five times now and never are there more than five people cruising it seems like the most satisfying end to my trip, and then later tonight I won't want to go out again but anyway he's gone, probably didn't need all that cologne on my clothes anyway I was thinking face I could just wash off but the coat would be much harder imagine all that cologne following me onto the plane and even out into San Francisco where there's nowhere I want to cruise, I'm thinking this guy wants a dark pea coat anyway and maybe a hat that isn't intentionally funny, a more understated scarf and I'm walking in the other direction until someone else arrives in hospital scrubs, smiling I say hello and he answers with a West African accent more friendly than I expected, for a moment I think maybe I should suck his cock because I liked his voice, because he's friendly even though I'm not attracted to him what is attraction if it's not a voice anyway. But then I keep walking.

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