Saturday, January 03, 2009

Reading

Sometimes they ask you, when you’re talking about insomnia, if the thoughts circling in your brain make sense and they do, they do make sense, and that’s part of the problem, like when I realize that when he said do you read people by feeling the textures he actually meant is that how I read body language, which was totally true in this case I was touching him on the chest, softly, here and there and yes studying the textures of his shirt in this case a lot of textures to study but also chest and breathing wondering if he would touch me too so that I would know, even though his original message to me said by the way, nipple-play I just looked it up, but knowing the original flirtation and combining this with the way he looked at me and then lips to lips, my lips to his at first but what I realize in bed is this thing about reading and how I immediately thought he meant read someone’s identity or presence in the world and no I don’t do that by studying fabrics or at least not with my hands, right? Funny that I said no I read people right away, when really I can’t read people’s attraction at all I mean I go back and forth so many times and it’s taken so long just to be able to maybe think it might happen outside those public sexual spaces that I know so well, always craving the connection and despising the limitations, repeat.

2 comments:

Hilary Goldberg said...

"always craving the connection and despising the limitations, repeat."
oh yes, beauteous mantra mind beat...
glad you are feeling fabrics and threatening hairstyle staying power
(hope the new envelope arrived in yer mailbox)
and happy new year
xhil

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Yay for the new envelope -- I hope to watch it tonight!

Love --
mattilda