Saturday, January 03, 2009

You know the cycle

But back to what helps and what hurts, there’s this funny habit I have of pissing into Aquafina bottles in the middle of the night yes that’s product placement it’s because of the wide mouths as they say so much easier to aim, right? But anyway, it’s a trick that Derek suggested, and after making fun of him for years for the jars of piss underneath his bed I thought why not try it, I mean anything is worth trying in order to avert my brain kicking in on that cold bright walk to the bathroom, now it’s been a few years and I guess it’s important to relentlessly explore the mundane with the hopes of eventually overcoming it. But now with the back pain I wonder if it would be better to get up, I mean I start wondering when the back pain hits and then that kicks in my brain, you know the cycle. Of course the shades don’t help, the shades that don’t even block out the light I mean they let so much in on the sides that it’s almost more annoying than before but of course I’m also thinking about Derek because it’s January now I’m back in San Francisco this small town with too much fashion and ridiculously overcrowded buses I keep worrying that I’ll run into Derek in January when we’re allowed to talk and I wonder whether that will help or hurt.

6 comments:

kayti said...

I think talking to him will help. Hopefully now he is ready and willing to talk to you.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Kayti, I hope so! But I am not so confident...

Love --
mattilda

kayti said...

Because you love him so much, I think you should keep trying to reach out to him. I hope so too.!!

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Because he loves me so much, I think he should reach out too... but, it could very well be me who does more reaching...

Love--
mattilda

kayti said...

I think it is going to have to be you. I do not think for whatever reasons he will.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Tragic reasons, indeed...

Love --
mattilda