Friday, February 13, 2009

My hands

Today my right hand is causing me problems, it’s like it’s twisted one too many times inside and then when I do too much of anything it starts hurting but I can’t figure out how not to do too much of these things: cooking, the dishes, eating, clicking the mouse, turning pages, using a pen. It’s hard to figure out activities that don’t use my right hand at all, and then when I use my left hand for the things I can do, like holding a fork, then my left hand starts to hurt too.

I’m trying to decide whether to go to the bar with a back room tonight, actually that’s something that would be perfect for my right hand, something to forget the pain for an hour or so because that charge of desire makes my body stronger. But not strong enough to deal with people hiding in the corners to smoke cigarettes, or the fog machine creeping downstairs. It’s pretty amazing that my sinuses haven’t felt so awful lately, and now it’s raining which means the air is clear and fresh but also that people might be more reluctant to go outside to smoke, there’s always a bad side to even the best of news. Today I was walking uphill as the sun was going down, beneath the clouds which were still giving rain so the light was soft and white almost, white with the clouds and a few glimpses of yellow or gray and the city down below starting to sparkle one of those moments when I know why I live here although sometimes the sparkling of the sun over sky over hills over buildings seems like a strange reason for me to feel like I’m sparkling too, even if just for a moment, before heading back home to figure out what to do about my hands.

4 comments:

man-of-snows said...

Have you considered trying to use an ergonomic pen? My friend got one for his carpal tunnel and he said it worked for him.

I tore or bruised a muscle, my right tricep I think, and it hurts to do ANYTHING. Even type. So with that I am done.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Aha -- an ergonomic pen -- I've tried all sorts of pens, but maybe not one officially considered ergonomic -- I'll look into it...

And ouch to your pain OUCH :(

Love --
mattilda

blogger23 said...

Thankfully, I am no longer roaming and floating about engaging in random intimacies in the wiry, rambling night, but again my dear, I definitely can relate to the tired/ wired, trying to get enough sleep, that kind of stop and start with rest, the staleness of bad sex and the weird intimacy of it, having risky, bad sex but also doing stuff like trying to do yoga, eat healthy, the weird dichotomy of going out to a smoky bar one minute and then trying to have tofu the next, the weird shift of rambling, unwholesome behaviors to something that seems wholesome. Oh, and body pains, weird body pains, and worrying about them and getting neurotic about them and how do you function with them, and weird health issues that make you tired all the time.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Yes yes -- "body pains, weird body pains, and worrying about them and getting neurotic about them and how do you function with them, and weird health issues that make you tired all the time" -- oh no!

Love --
mattilda