Sunday, February 22, 2009

Volume 9

Waking up there are a few moments when I’m laughing so I figure that’s a good sign, today will be the good day yes today. But then I’m so exhausted from a casual phone conversation with a friend that I almost feel like I can’t go outside, I don’t understand how something relaxed and fun can break my heart so quickly. The shower helps a little bit, warm caress, moisture for the sinuses, outside to the longest, slowest bus ride ever, standing up and breaking my body the whole way to get a haircut of course I’m already too tired I was already too tired before I left the house now looking for music I’m crushed again, why not sit and eat Vietnamese spring rolls the one thing I’m not allergic to in this restaurant, just rice paper, rice noodles, lettuce, basil, sprouts, carrots -- ginger tea and lime to help with digestion, water with no ice -- but why that floating away while I’m eating why that floating away? Oh, the rice noodles, right the rice noodles something about white rice processed in this way that makes me lean back into oblivion but there’s a bus to wait for, or wait I can run and catch it, then another bus to wait for, and another bus to ride. At home there’s a moment with the new music, even at volume 9 why not louder it’s still early but even at volume 9 Josh Wink makes me ready for the world of body to sky but then there’s the falling place, I look at the clock or the counter or the display, whatever it is, two minutes and 35 seconds. Time to cook again and my head’s glazed over I can hardly even read, get ready for another day when I can hardly even read.


blogger23 said...

Thank you for writing your truth about the quarter life crisis in the strange, shifting beautiful post everything wasteland that is San Francisco. I was taken back to the cockroaches,
bad sex, bad relationships with women, hearbreak with men, the f$&@ing tenderloin, art, yoga,the East Bay, the whole coming of age period in my life that had some real crazy highs and lows, just like the nature of that Gemini city. I wasn't involved with the queer punk scene, but I think I can relate to pretty much everything you've put just in two posts I've read, from health issues to veganism to insomnia. We are living in a f$&@ing decadent desert now, everything is gentrified, and the shitty parts of town have nothing going on for them other than they're shitty. We are in the aftermath of cultural, excessive waste and no bedrock to sustain all the things that have come out of the counterculture.
Thanx for writing, please write some more!
Lots and lots of love,
Blogger 23

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Blogger 23, thank you thank you thank you for the sweet eloquence and understanding and support!

Love --