Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Light in water on the asphalt



The ear doctor pulled out my wax, but my ears keep popping popping popping popping -- but the ear doctor never said have fun before, really he said have fun! Usually he just flirts with the women and treats me like an odd creature, maybe mentions that I’m eating and you can tell he’s not pleased but this time he was taking the wax out he said it always comes back like the sun, unfortunately and fortunately so I asked about the fortunate part. But then he realized his analogy didn’t make sense because we want the sun to come back, right? So we were laughing together, yes together and I was wondering about his accent one of those East Coast royalty accents that people get when they’re trying to hide the accent they grew up with or the royalty part comes if they grew up around but not with those accents but needed to distinguish themselves, like something British with a twang. In the elevator everyone was getting off work and the woman complaining about her boss asking her to stay extra because she hadn’t found anyone yet, she smiled at me actually most people smiled and then outside the wind was blowing my hair up and then when I tried to fix it it blew back up again until I just thought it was funny, smiling at the wind and the tourists I love the wind because it clears out the air and then the rain started but at first it was just a drop here and there like if you were really flexible and aware you could dodge it. By the time I got back to my house it was harder but when I got into my apartment and started slamming down in round droplets like tiny marbles except they didn’t smash anything.

I love watching the rain, and then it ends and there’s sun so bright but only 10 minutes and then more rain, still those big drops I go out anyway to get a swimming cap in case I end up going to the pool I found that has less chlorine but still too much it’s a sodium chloride mixture and when I dipped my hand in the water it didn’t smell like chlorine but the air sure did, actually the whole gym smelled like it. So I figure if I decide to swim then I’ll need a cap to make sure my hair doesn’t smell like chlorine afterwards, or dry out and fall, these days I try not to get my hair wet too much or it turns to straw.

All the shower caps feel horrible, an immediate headache and my hands are already burning from trying them on and then I get to that moment when I’m standing there and I can’t figure out what to do, that combination of allergies and blood sugar crash and hopelessness because I’m already hurting just from trying them on and I probably won’t be able to go swimming anyway without all that chlorine in the air and I can’t decide whether I should get one of these caps even though they hurt my head and they ripped out at least three hairs, three hairs seems like way too much I mean three hairs every time I go swimming or even just these three, falling to the floor where are they now?

Then I realize I need a bathing suit too, but all they have are weird tight things I just want shorts, trunks I guess they call them, like trees growing on your legs I guess or your legs are trees, rooting you through the water. $6.50 I might as well just get one when will I be here again I can return it later, outside I don’t like the rain anymore, especially when I miss the bus and this bus stop is too close to the curb all the exhaust goes right into my nose and I can’t believe so many people smoke, I just sit there in the rain not too much rain really but too much also, sit there staring at the reflection of the light in water on the asphalt and trying to get it to make me feel better.

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