Saturday, March 07, 2009

Lostmissing #17



Lostmissing is a public art project -- I’d love it if you’d participate.

And here's what lostmissing #17 says:

I'm not good for your recovery I might make you feel too much I might make you cry I might make you think about whether recovery isn’t just avoiding the liquor I might make you question things you don’t want to question I might make you think about the past. Because when you’re in a relationship for 16 years that means most of the 16 years is the past and that’s one of the things that makes everything mean so much. I might make you think about what everything means. I might make you think about me. I might make you think I’m not good for your recovery even though I’ve spent years longer without the liquor without the drugs I remember that time you said: you don’t understand what it means to be an addict. Maybe that was the beginning of losing you.

4 comments:

kayti said...

Thinking is a dangerous a process. Makes you want to drink.

davka said...

how is it possible that our experiences are so similar?

my ex called me, a poor woman, from his $70,000 a month posh rehab to tell me he has learned through therapy that my pain brings him down and i am bad for his recovery. this person who never once had a job or a worry in the world also called to tell me i don't know how to handle my problems. funny, my way of handling problems doesn't include a 500 a day heroin problem and i actually have problems.

shit, sorry it put this on your blog, but i had to say wow - it's uncanny. maybe there are a lot of us

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Kayti, you are so right -- dangerous, indeed!

And Davka, "he has learned through therapy that my pain brings him down and i am bad for his recovery."

I think it's true, there are a lot of us who fall under the tires of this type of recovery dogma, the only thing that matters is staying sober, right, and they drive right over us thinking that's the only thing that matters.

I don't know -- but I do know that it's great to hear from you and these similarities. Whether it's a $70,000 a month rehab or just five days a week at AA, I wonder if there's this certain type of dogma that's all about a kind of crushing individualism, throw everyone who matters to you aside, embrace only those within this new dogma -- it sounds kind of like drugs, right?

Thanks so much for writing!

Love love love --
mattilda

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

And what do you get at a $70,000 a month rehab, anyway -- besides dogma -- should we take one over -- yes yes, let's take one over!

Love --
mattilda