Friday, March 06, 2009

The other side

Options, there are always options -- that’s what they tell us. I could sit here and write about how terrible I’m feeling. I could try to figure out why -- maybe it was the smoke machine at the show the other night, actually I don’t have any other ideas. Why was there a smoke machine? I mean you barely even noticed it, until that burning smell and I thought maybe it’ll be okay, there’s not that much and the theater is huge. But then. But then of course it was too much. I’ve been sleeping better, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less exhausted, just maybe less frantic and more overwhelmed, does that make sense?

I could sit here and try not to write how terrible I’m feeling. At the vintage store where everything is overpriced but sometimes they have gorgeous coats, actually the coats aren’t as overpriced as everything else and right now 40% off that’s 22 dollars for this great jacket, that’s the good news -- it’s a bright floral pattern on plastic or something like plastic, and the salesperson says no one else could wear that jacket, I mean no one else would look good in that jacket, I mean there’s a compliment in there somewhere.

Then on the bus there’s a guy in the back with a big red dog that looks old and friendly, we’re getting off at the same stop and he says: Gemini? Yes. Me too, he says -- but you’re living it!

When I first moved to San Francisco in the early ‘90s, everyone was obsessed with astrology and I was not feeling that particular part of West Coast realness, especially the way people would do these tarot readings in order to get their friends to end relationships with certain people or to exert power in other ways. I tried to ignore it, not the fucked-up dynamics but the tarot that seemed to fuel them. But I will admit that there is this particular type of flaming crazy maniac that often does seem to wind up to be a Gemini, and of course I know we’re supposed to see it the other way around.

But back to the computer screen time machine, making my jaw hurt because I lift my head in this particular way to look, up I guess, but how to avoid it? I wonder if that’s part of the pattern -- flaming and dramatic on the outside, collapsing inside. I guess what I’ll do is soak my feet in vinegar again, the original goal was to get rid of athlete’s foot and it actually works, but right now I mostly want to clear my head, the other side.


davka said...

thank god you write a blog because i just finished "so many ways to sleep badly" and i need MORE!!


mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Oh, you are too sweet -- yay for more!

Love --

Anonymous said...


I happen to be a gemini too.

but you ARE really living it :)

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Yay for Geminis -- and yay for living it!!!

Love --