Monday, April 06, 2009

Lostmissing #26

Lostmissing is a public art project -- I’d love it if you’d participate.

And here's what lostmissing #26 says:

I hate that it was so easy for you to throw me away, so easy because we hardly have any overlapping friends, so easy because our schedules and our routes through the city barely cross. It didn’t used to be that way. First we existed around everyone and then later our relationship moved to a particular space away. I think I liked it that way. Maybe it even made us closer. Because then we could be around everyone else but still in that space, the imprint of your arm around my shoulder or a kiss on the neck or just the way we walked together, sat together, holding the moments between us a shelter.

I miss that reliability, something I came to depend on but I didn’t know how much because it didn’t feel like a dependency. I mean I knew I could rely on you. How do I go back and correct that, correct it in each individual cell in my body, unlearning the safety that left me here?


davka said...

ugh the space of a city feels so strange when you're going through this type of thing. it's like it is made of gum and it's being stretched and places that were so close seem far and people that were so accessible are ghosts. i hate it, but the good news is you will heal. really.

the tao's been shut off between you. it hurts. drives me fucking nuts, but i like to imagine the next heart opening moment with someone new.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

"it's like it is made of gum and it's being stretched and places that were so close seem far and people that were so accessible are ghosts"

Davka, I love that description -- it really does apply to how I see San Francisco, especially "people that were so accessible are ghosts." Sometimes I feel like one of those ghosts...

Love --

Anonymous said...

Mattilda- This is one of my favorite lostmissings so far.

Davka- I love that description too. It seems to apply especially to San Francisco which is really tiny in terms of geographic least that was my experience when I lived there and two people I loved went lostmissing.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Elian, thank you!!!

And San Francisco is pretty small geographically -- but then, of course, there are huge sections where I never go -- most of it, actually...

Love --

B said...

This is my favorite. My lost/missing person thought I would soon move away from the city we shared (in fact, I did, though not as soon as she'd suspected), and I believe that had so much to do with her ability to just walk away. I'm going to hang this up in inappropriate places and send you photos.


mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

B, thanks so much!!! And of course I can't wait for photos of posters in inappropriate places...

Love --