Thursday, April 30, 2009

The next step

I want to take a hot shower, but there’s not enough hot water. I’m waiting for someone to finish. The music ends. It’s funny how the same music that gets me wired and inspired at the beginning of the day just brings me further into this hole of longing now, the hole where my energy is supposed to be but instead. When I feel like this, I don’t want to do anything, ever again. I want to do everything. I can’t.

And then there’s the next step, what’s the next step, again? There’s falling into bed, getting out of bed, falling into bed, falling. The next step. If there were a way to swing round and round into the swing into round and round swing round swing I could stand in the middle of the room but I wouldn’t be standing, movement the center of my center. If I close my eyes, there’s all this tension in my neck, mid-back, jaw, above my eyes -- of course it’s already there, but when I close my eyes I feel it, maybe this helps me to breathe, maybe this helps me.

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