Monday, May 25, 2009

Failures of imagination

What is the difference between an adrenaline rush, and energy? I’m not sure that I’ve ever learned. I mean, when I’m sinking back into bed even though I’ve slept a lot I should feel rested I slept a lot but I feel like I can’t get up. And then I get up, slowly because I’m trying to avoid that adrenaline rush, right? Maybe that’s what depletes me, I mean living on adrenaline rushes for so long. And then I turn on music, and I’m scrubbing the pot and suddenly I actually feel good. Is that an adrenaline rush, or energy? Will I ever know?

Today I’m feeling introspective, which is much better than the usual overwhelm overload, so I guess I slept better. Today I can ask myself questions, right, questions -- questions can be helpful. What is the point of creating a chosen family if it always falls apart? What is the point of creating friendships if there’s no commitment to process when issues come up? What’s the difference between feeling like I’m in my body, and out of my body? Is San Francisco weighing me down the weight of so much hope leading to hopelessness and can it lead back to hope or will it always be weighed down by those failures, the failures of imagination surrounded by walls, or is it walls surrounded by imagination, and which is better?

2 comments:

Tony said...

i absolutely adore and love you on almost every level! ;)

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Darling, you are too sweet!!!

Love --
mattilda