Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Willing to look outside

He’s worried I won’t be able to get upstairs because it’s so late and there’s a prom going on so there’s extra security in the lobby, but I say don’t worry -- as long as I know your room number and your name, everything should be fine. I don’t tell him I learned all the tricks from turning tricks, and honey you just walk by the security like they’re somewhere between invisible and your best friend. Which almost always works, and it does tonight, even though I’m not turning a trick this is just a hook-up, starting with a lowest common denominator ad, which is always the kind that works. I mean gets people to respond.

He’s on the 41st floor, so of course the first thing to do is look at the view -- the windows are so clean I’m worried I’ll fall off, he’s preppy in the way that means he doesn’t try to be anything else and somehow I knew I’d find him hot, he’s a little nervous and I’m not. I mean I’m a little nervous about his cologne, but I get on top of him and we start making out and then I take off my shirt and sweater and he says you’re really hot, I have to take my glasses off, and I take them off for him. He’s grabbing my dick way too hard but it’s okay because I still have my clothes on and I ask him what kind of gum he’s chewing. Spearmint. And we kiss some more, and then there’s the grinding and the sucking and more making out and way more sucking and grinding and eventually I’m doing that thing between a giggle and a grunt that means I’m just in the place between his body and mine and nowhere else until we both get a bit over-tired from the exertion but we keep going, pause to say that’s hot, that’s really hot.

69 always seems like it would be perfect but it’s almost always awkward with the different angles between body and mouth and cock into mouth, making space for different heights and body shapes and then there’s the angle of cock and how that works with mouth and it doesn’t quite work. It’s kind of smelly, too -- let’s alternate. He doesn’t want me to come in his mouth, which means it’s all over his chest which is a disappointment not the chest but the coming because the rest was so high but the coming just a come-down but sometimes it works that way and then his come all over my chest up to face he can’t believe there’s so much of it he’s been jerking off two times a day for the last few days he’s been stressed out. I say that was super-hot -- he says really? I say yeah, don’t you think so? He says I thought it was hot.

All his friends are straight he lives in the suburbs of Philadelphia and drinks a lot they go out drinking they’ve gone out drinking since college and he knows it’s stupid but it’s what he does. Now they’re all starting to couple off, and even starting with the babies thing and he knows he should find some gay friends. I wonder if an assimilated gay person would ever say something like that, you know because kids are supposed to be the model for them too and maybe the fact that all of this guy’s friends are straight still gives him this outsider status that wouldn’t be the case if he went out with gay friends every weekend.

He says San Francisco is like a cross between New York, Boston, and DC, and I wonder about the DC part. Boston I can understand because of the water and the size, but it’s so conservative. He says what do you mean? I say socially conservative, but what about DC? He says he’s a closet conservative, a libertarian and everyone he knows is really libertarian but they don’t know it. I say how do they identify? He says they’re registered Democrats -- or Republicans -- but they’re socially libertarian.

He doesn’t know why he still drinks so much, next week he’s going to a finals match in Baltimore for some kind of drinking game it’s called something cop -- no, not cop, cup -- where you sit at a table with six people and you drink tiny glasses of beer as fast as you can and then you rotate tables and by the end of the night you’ve had a couple hundred glasses and he knows it’s stupid, the kind of thing he did in college but he has the same friends they all met in college in Pennsylvania, way out Pennsylvania Amish country -- I say there’s a word for that, right -- what do they call that? Pennsyltucky. But he says he’s worried about Baltimore, because when you cross the Mason-Dixon line you could get caught for pissing in the street and then you’re never seen again.

He can’t read books because he’s too ADD, I say what about a book that’s already ADD and he says he’s never found a book he can read, which makes them feel stupid because all his friends still read and he’s still pulling all-nighters for work like he’s in college and when he’s out he feels like he’s getting so much done but then the next day he’s wrecked. He's an event planner, here for a medical something-something conference. He’s worried about his hair thinning, he says I need to find a boyfriend before I lose all my hair and I say your hair looks cute, but it’s funny sometimes I think the same thing when I’m worried about my hair but I would just never say it out loud. I don’t think we have much in common except loneliness, but I kind of like listening to him anyway -- when I’m dressed he says I really like that outfit, all of it -- I like all the things you put together, I don’t really know how to dress. He says that a few times -- I really like that outfit. And I like the way he says it, says it from a place within unquestioning masculinity but willing to look outside.

8 comments:

Nick said...

This:

"I say that was super-hot -- he says really? I say yeah, don’t you think so? He says I thought it was hot."is really funny and 'so true.' Yay!

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

I know -- isn't it funny the things we say in these moments? Of course, I was wondering why he didn't say super-hot :)

Love --
mattilda

kayti said...

I do not think all of his friends are straight unless of coarse this is his first time doing something like this.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

No, no -- I think all of his friends actually are straight -- he said he's the "token gay," and didn't start having sex really until maybe a few years ago although he knew he was gay but he says he was a "late bloomer" and now he's a slut (probably mostly through the internet), and his friends get upset when he's at the bar and gets intimate -- they say this isn't a *gay* bar!

Although who knows, with all those drinking games, oh maybe that's what you mean about his straight friends...

Love --
mattilda

kayti said...

What do you think happens when a group of straight friends drink together? Hopefully something super-hot. Maybe I just have an over active imagination.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Good question -- something certainly might happen, but I'm sure it's not super-hot, except in our imagination :)

Love --
mattilda

man_of_snows said...

I have never been uncertain about what is hot (for me) and what is not. I understand self-doubt, but I would never question a hot makeout session where everyone gets off well...Unless you are just supposed to say things like that.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Ha ha -- so true!

Love --
mattilda