Friday, July 10, 2009
Lostmissing is a public art project -- I’d love it if you’d participate.
And here's what lostmissing #36 says:
Sometimes I think I’m done thinking about you, but then I end up thinking about you again, so I’m not done. Maybe it’s because I still haven’t run into you -- 10 months now, is that really true? Everyone says this is such a small town, I guess I should be grateful that it’s not as small as they say, not grateful that I haven’t run into you because I need to run into you at some point.
I guess the city is smaller if you believe. I still think about my hair, it’s longer now and I wait as much time as possible before washing it -- otherwise it gets too dry. It gets too dry anyway, but at least it looks healthy. By day three or four it starts to get a bit greasy, but it mostly just looks like a styling product although it’s not the styling product I would use -- day one or two might be a better time to run into you. Although that’s also when the wind blows my hair all over the place. Sometimes I wish I could use hairspray, but then that would dry it out more.
The other day, one of the days when I thought I might run into you because I went somewhere where I knew I would run into a lot of people but it was kind of fun, it wouldn’t have been fun if I saw you so I guess I’m glad I didn’t. Someone I haven’t seen for almost as long as I haven’t seen you came up to me and said: you look amazing. I’m pretty sure he meant my hair, that was day two or no maybe day one because I remember leaving the conditioner in for a half-hour. Today I left the conditioner in for over an hour, but still my hair was too dry when I rinsed it out, so I put on more conditioner, a second kind. I wonder how I’d feel if I ran into you and you said: you look amazing.
Sometimes I think about your therapist, when he kept giving you all those meds even though they made things worse he would just say try this one now and one time I said if you need someone to tell him not to give you those fucking meds I’d be glad to come in and talk to him and of course you told him that, and took the prescription anyway, and later your therapist said he was afraid of me. I don’t know how that came up but of course you told me and I thought it was funny but you didn’t tell me what he thought about that.
I wanted to blame your therapist. Sometimes I hate you, I really do but then today I thought about calling you to tell you where to get something you were always looking for, something mundane but now I can’t even remember what it was. I thought about what it would feel like to call you and give you this tip, maybe it would seem like I was okay with losing you and I’m not. I don’t want to be okay, I mean I want to be okay but I don’t want to be okay with losing you.