Sunday, August 30, 2009

Checking in

They must’ve painted the outside of my building with chalk, it gets all over my feet when I go out on the fire escape, oh no I hope it’s not lead-based chalk. Probably it is, actually -- I can’t imagine they’ve painted the outside of this building since lead paint was banned. I guess I’ll have to remember to wash my feet more often.

This Rosen method/somatic experiencing practitioner I’ve started to see has encouraged me to think about these small places of pleasure, fingertips and vision and breath in chest, in between or overlaying the pain and discomfort I guess the point is to retrain your nervous system so that you don’t get stuck. So now when I’m on the fire escape, and I start to think oh no it’s getting too hot, I’m starting to sweat my jock itch is going to flare up, then I also focus on the way the light reflects off the quinoa-amaranth mixture I’m eating all shiny and glistening, or the air on my toes, or the way everything softens if I close my eyes and it is kind of soothing, this new pattern, so different than thinking relax, relax, relax, fighting your body instead of checking in.

So when I’m going up the escalator in this corporate store, surrounded by every toxic scent imaginable, I notice oh, I like the humming sound of the machinery kind of like my white noise generator, and then I do feel a strange calm that carry through the toxic scents with me until I get back outside.

6 comments:

Hilary Goldberg said...

I love the way you keep flipping the scenes, and I had no idea quinoa could be so pretty in the right light.

xhil

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Flipping the scenes, I love that description!

And yes yes, quinoa is gorgeous in the right light, especially if you get black and red and regular quinoa altogether...

Love --
mattilda

thissouthernfaggot said...

I really, really enjoy washing my feet. That's pretty much the only way I can justify taking a shower anymore. "Are my feet dirty?"

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Have you tried soaking your feet in vinegar -- I do it now, and it's invigorating!

Not instead of a shower, of course, but in addition...

Love --
mattilda

thissouthernfaggot said...

What do you do with the vinegar after you are done? Sell it on Craigslist or make a big salad?

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Oh, what good ideas :)

Love --
mattilda