Saturday, October 10, 2009

Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize -- what's next?

Is this a joke? I mean -- seriously -- at first I thought it was April Fools, or something, but then I realized it’s October, but maybe in Norway they have October Fools?

Let’s review Obama’s peacemaking record… Okay, expanding the war in Afghanistan, more drone attacks in Pakistan, continuing to support the Israeli war machine, engineering the Wall Street billionaires bail-out, rolling out the health care industry giveaway, supporting extension of the PATRIOT act, delaying the closure of Guantánamo -- what’s next? Oh, a Nobel Peace Prize and $1.4 million -- that should push him in the right direction.

What about Blackwater founder Erik Prince -- wasn’t he on the short list? I mean, he did just recently say, “I will be taking on new challenges that I have not yet had the chance to tackle." Just to make sure he doesn’t kill any more employees, or engineer the mass murder of thousands, I really really wish the illustrious Nobel committee had given him the medallion -- it’s a medallion, isn’t it -- you do get a medallion, along with the $1.4 million, don’t you? That prize pressure worked so well with Shimon Peres -- shalom aleichem.

What about the Blue Angels? I mean, they’re flying over San Francisco this weekend, and everyone stops in the street to stare at “America’s number one pasttime” -- nope, sorry darling, not baseball! You see, if they give the Nobel Peace Prize to the Blue Angels, then everyone will have more time to stare, and that means more time for peace, right? And, more time for Blue Angel Vodka. That’s right -- how about a Blue Angel Martini -- BAM!!!

But can vodka win a Nobel Peace Prize, I mean has vodka ever won before? What about Sean Penn, for playing a gay… a gay… a gay… person. Dammit -- he already won an Oscar! Can you win an Oscar and a Nobel Peace Prize in the same year? And what about Brangelina, for saving all those kids? David Hasselhoff? Oh, I know -- Mary Cheney’s second baby -- that’ll be a winner, for sure!

8 comments:

Elián Maricón said...

They should make natural disasters, plagues and Nancy Grace's hair eligible for the Nobel Peace Prize too! It seems as though causing thousands of deaths, ruining lives, and tackiness are the only eligibility criteria.

Obama joined the ranks of so many other Nobel Peace Prize-winning war criminals: Jimmy Carter, Rabin, Begin, Kissinger, Peres...

I think Crystal Meth has a shot at it next time, although Vodka will be tough to beat.

xoxo
EM

PS- Hope you are feeling better

Elián Maricón said...

or better yet, Hillary Swank should get one for bravely taking on the role of Brandon Tina ("these are my tits, this is my husband, these are my tits, this is my husband"...lol), bringing social justice to transgender people throughout the world.

;)

psoriasisguru.com said...

my first thought was that maybe they're making up for Chicago not getting the Olympics

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Elian, I've always thought that Hilary Swank deserved more than that pitiful Oscar!

And Crystal is such a good idea -- what about Crystal Waters?

Oh, no -- Kissinger won one too -- but of course...

I'm not feeling better, but my tits are :)

Psoriasisguru, that is such a good point -- what about the Chicago Olympics? I think the Chicago Olympics deserve a Nobel Peace Prize :)

Okay, I had to look up Nancy Grace -- and it looks like both her hair and makeup may be eligible...

Love --
mattilda

thissouthernfaggot said...

But Mattilda, didn't you hear? Obama SPOKE at that HRC thing. Equality is just around the corner.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

And Lady Gaga too...

Oh -- and the cast of Glee, whatever that is...

Love --
mattilda

thissouthernfaggot said...

I'm not sure i will ever understand exactly what glee or lady gaga is..

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

I guess we will never be able to go to an HRC gala :(

Love--
mattilda