Thursday, October 29, 2009


I guess I kind of like the sleep class, except that once I’m done I’m kind of tired. No, first I’m calm in a good way I mean I actually like Noe Valley even watching straight guys talk to each other about froufrou dogs until I wait for the train for too long, and then on the train some guy wants to party with me, that part’s okay, except that the capsule I’m taking is a digestive enzyme, I mean I don’t want to party with him anyway but I don’t mind that he asked, and this Latina queen is talking about how far a Jew has to go in New York to get a briss -- not far, right -- not far -- a joke her friends don’t get and I’m not sure I get it either, she’s drunk and her eyes are glazed over but we all get the part about aisle 6, there are no cameras in aisle six so you just fill up your purse and then buy a pack of gum if you’re going for a little bit of realness.

It’s still okay, maybe it’s okay until I get a $75 ticket for a transfer that’s expired by a half hour, but then at least the next bus comes right away and I guess I don’t realize quite how exhausted I am until I get upstairs and that’s when somehow I start reading the Guardian even though I’ve banned myself from reading books for a few days, this insane pain overload that makes my arms feel like they’re wrapped around my arms all tight and twisted and burning but all I want to do is read so then I’m reading the Guardian it’s a newspaper not a book, right, and I’m probably reading faster because I’m worried about reading, even though I’m not thinking about it I’m probably thinking about it, and then reading faster hurts more, especially when I stop breathing, and that’s when I notice, I mean I notice my arm is twisted and burning, the right one, what am I doing reading? I notice I’m sad and that’s why I’m reading, because I don’t want to feel this sad -- I’m exhausted from getting to the sleep class and back, exhaustion never helps me rest. But what am I doing reading when reading is all I want to do, what can I do to stop from reading?


kayti said...

stop reading and go look at that jacket. you bitch i saw that jacket first.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Honey, you are hilarious!

And what a good idea -- let me go take a look...

Love --