Saturday, October 31, 2009

These tiny little worlds

House music as endurance test, and I know what you’re saying: honey, it took you this long? But no I don’t mean the general feature, like when I walked into Blow Buddies and is that really the same song I was playing earlier at my house, the same song but a different mix, really? And that’s the best part -- hands down, the best part. Not like there’s any competition -- I’m there to get away from my hands, arms of pain because in my house there’s no way really, I can sit down for a few minutes and then think: oh, maybe I’ll just wash that dish. Or check that email. Or read that thing I’m not supposed to be reading.

House music never dies -- ha ha, that’s a particularly horrible house song, of course there is so much horrible house music and this is part of it, this CD and I can’t figure out why I’ve kept it -- there’s some part of the CD that I like, right? Oh, but the awful part, the awful part is these trancey builds and falls, how do I describe exactly what I hate about a trance beat that isn’t like a house beat it’s like the build without the boom. And then these terrible distorted vocals, I mean I like distorted vocals but not breathy stupidity and we’re supposed to all put our hands up in the air at the same time. Okay, I’m trying to find the part of this CD that I like -- I guess I need more music, that’s why I’m listening to this, but the part I like is definitely not this weird sample of some guy talking about how a hooker ripped him off, it’s one of those samples that goes on for a while and I can totally picture a bunch of straight clubbers standing on the dance floor and cracking up to this terrible thing I mean it’s so terrible that you don’t even know what to do except listen, maybe that’s part of the point but then I realize I’m too exhausted, I got up too early, I kind of slept well so I thought it was okay to get up earlier, not that much earlier I think only 20 minutes, maybe that’s not the problem, the problem is my sinuses. You see -- Blow Buddies actually works at helping me get away from the pain, except for that moment when I’m jerking someone off and my arm starts to burn so I stop, I mean afterwards my hips and my neck hurt, but at least it’s not my arms, right?

But now my sinuses -- it’s because of the heat, you walk into Blow Buddies and the heat is blasting, it’s always that way, and at first there isn’t any smoke residue at all, I keep inhaling just to see, but later there’s definitely pot smoke wafting in from outside and I told myself I was only going to stay for an hour or less but the thing about these places is that they make you stay, there’s no way to get out, you just keep walking around, that’s how it’s designed. So now my sinuses, I’m lying in bed with the music blasting, thinking there’s nothing I like about my life, nothing, no Mattilda that’s just your sinuses, okay it’s my sinuses, and the music is blasting I’ve never noticed before but you can actually feel the bass shaking the bed -- maybe that’s because I don’t usually listen to music in bed, why did I leave the music on I don’t want to get up to turn it off and I guess he does use some mixing tricks like stopping the whole thing and you think it’s going to end but then he slams you, I like those mixing tricks but why in my bed, kind of like drugs I mean really like drugs although did I really lie in bed with the music blasting or did it just feel like that? I do remember closing my eyes and watching these tiny little worlds right behind or in front of my eyes, I could never quite figure it out, all these little people and bright colors, sometimes they would dance together we were all dancing together and it was fun, even if I was trying to sleep at least it wasn’t the next day, the next day I knew I would feel awful.

Today my throat is so dry it’s like I could attach a spigot of water and still there wouldn’t be enough. I’m thinking about what it would be like to live somewhere else, somewhere else where six months of the year they have the heat on that high, everywhere you go, whether it’s the bus or a restaurant or someone else’s house or even your own apartment if you can’t get the heat to turn off. How would I be able to survive? Meanwhile, the colors of the sunset are so crazy it has to be pollution, I mean it’s kind of pretty but it’s definitely not the way it’s supposed to be. My hand hurts just from holding the fork, and I have to hold this fork a lot. Ouch, let me take a break from doing my hair: it looked so much better the other day, the other day when the weather wasn’t so humid, another reason to fight global warming.

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