Saturday, December 19, 2009


I shouldn’t get rid of the plant yet -- it might not even be a bug, the way small streaks of brown fur grow over white on the backside of the new leaves, maybe it’s not even mold but there’s something about looking at it that makes me sick in that place before words that place of no you can’t you can’t scream just hold teeth jaw shut cheeks up into eyes squeezed closed no don’t look don’t look and maybe, maybe it’s not there?

It’s there, it’s always there except when it’s here, here in my body now. I used to say that I didn’t like watching horror movies because I’d experienced enough horror already, the images stay with me like I’m still there, in that place before. But some people who’ve experienced tons of horror enjoy horror movies anyway, the way now you have control because in an hour and a half you leave and it will be over. I guess I still don’t feel like it’s over.

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