Thursday, February 04, 2010

A coat in my arms

Sometimes the tiniest thing can set me off, like walking over to the tailor to get the lining replaced on one of my favorite coats, maybe it is my favorite and I’ve already gotten the lining patched so many times that that won’t work anymore, I mean it’s shredded. But ouch, holding the coat hurts my arms, the way the fabric rests on my biceps and everything gets tight and then it turns out I bought the wrong fabric, the tailor says I should’ve asked first and he’s right. But I didn’t want to walk the coat over twice, I thought I was preventing more pain but now I have to walk back to my house, and go to a different fabric store, and spend more money on fabric, and what will I do with the fabric I already bought? And then I have to walk back to the tailor, I mean on that day in the future when all this is done.

But the worst part is that when I get home I feel like I’m done, done for the day and my day has only just started. Sometimes I really don’t understand sleep, and then other times I really really don’t understand sleep, I mean when I looked at the clock at the beginning of the day I registered that I’d spent 11 hours in bed, oh it was time to get up and not like I thought -- the middle of the night, way too early but I’ll look anyway. So then I thought maybe I was okay, maybe I would go to the gym and try the pool again, now I’ve tried it five times and last time I did have this moment where I realized oh, you relax into the water, don’t push, just glide. I’m trying to start slowly, not doing any strokes yet, just floating and kicking, that’s hard enough, I end up hurting myself anyway and then sitting in the steam room which feels relaxing and then afterwards I feel calm but drained until I’m just drained, which happens pretty soon but now I’m already drained and all I did is walk up the block with a coat in my arms, oh my arms, time to get back in bed.

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