Monday, March 29, 2010

The openness of travel

Then there’s the openness of travel -- I mean when I'm not an exhaustion catastrophe trying to fill in all the gaps, like who is picking me up at the station? Where am I staying? When it kind of feels like things are okay, and when I actually sleep, sleep 12 full hours on the train and then I wake up and look at all this green, a different kind of green than I usually see, more full with the light, all kinds of green actually -- green with yellow and green with blue and green with pink and green with purple and green with the sun and green with the sky and green with the moon especially when there's snow, snow in the mountains and green. Even the brown of the dry earth is red with the sun, and sure, this is an incredibly beautiful train route, and incredibly beautiful route during the hours when I'm actually awake and I haven't taken this train in a while because from San Francisco it means getting there at 8 am or something horrible like that for a while the tracks were closed so you had to go from a bus to a train to a bus, so then I just took one bus, right?

But the openness, I'm going to be traveling for a while, over a month and a half more, at this moment of almost-darkness, trees growing between rocks, 26 hours on this train but yes sleep actually cushioned me and who knows what will happen when I get to LA, last time I went everything got so dramatically worse -- pain and exhaustion got so overwhelming -- that I haven't been back in a few years. This time I'm staying in some weird place way out of the way, some kind of corporate housing because I couldn't find a place and then my mother offered to pay for one, this was the cheapest place with the kitchen but then there was another not that much more expensive that was actually gorgeous, gorgeous and convenient so I was hoping for that one, when my mother told me no, the other one I got so sad, worried that I would be stuck there, stuck in some weird corporate housing in LA but almost in the Valley or I'm not sure exactly where, but then Ethan called back and said he’d pick me up at the train station, we could even get groceries on the way and then everything suddenly seemed smoother, that was last night and then I slept in today I feel calm, calm with definite moments of exhaustion overwhelm but not exhaustion overwhelm with tiny windows of calm, so now I guess I'll see what happens.


Jory M. Mickelson said...

I got to take my very first train ride on Sunday from Seattle to Bellingham. It was amazing!!! I want to take the train all over the country now.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

The first one ever? That's amazing -- yay for the train -- if only we had better service in this country, dammit!

Love --