Friday, May 28, 2010

Closer

I don’t know about the strategy to close my eyes again, close my eyes because I’m not quite ready to get up, just a few more minutes then maybe I’ll be ready for that’s what I thought until. Until, wherever I am now. Somewhere between sleep and awake, a new day and last night and tomorrow, like they’re all in a circle around me but I’m somewhere in bed where I can almost read the sentences except they blur away from me, and I keep thinking maybe sleep, maybe this is more sleep except I don’t know if I want more sleep. I mean, if I go to bed at 10:45 pm, it’s kind of depressing to wake up much later than 11 am, right? I feel like I could just sleep all day, I mean except that actually I can’t sleep I’m just somewhere in between until there’s a slight opening and I choose it, just before noon, I guess that’s okay. Outside onto the fire escape and no, I don’t think I should sit out without a hat this early, even if the acupuncturist says you need the sun without a hat to regulate your pineal gland, sun through the eyes, directly through the eyes, I think it still works with the hat. But that’s what I’m thinking about afterwards, when I look in the mirror to see if I’m burning, seven minutes and 60 degrees but maybe it’s the music, the music again that brings me to that place, the music and sunshine and then I guess I’m taking out the map, the map of Santa Fe and thinking about where I might live, this area between two streets, a few blocks long and a few blocks wide, not that many houses there, but somehow looking at the map I feel like maybe I’m closer, closer to deciding.

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