Sunday, May 23, 2010


Did I tell you about my new sleep schedule? I decided to let East Coast time trick me, so since I’ve been back on the West Coast I’ve been getting up at 11 am. That means going to bed at 11 too, which is earlier than any time I can remember since maybe seventh grade. I don’t know what I think about it yet -- it’s one of those things that every healthcare practitioner in the world recommends, but I’ve always been a late-night person, I mean it’s never been possible to go to bed much before 2 am -- usually, the more exhausted I get, the harder it is to fall asleep. I get wired.

But this does feel different -- now I get so tired so early, but not wired really, or maybe a little wired in bed but it does feel like maybe my sleep is deeper. I mean I still feel awful, but there’s the horrible bloating and the mold and all my traveling to think about too. I’m not sure how long this schedule will last, but I’ll try it and see.

It’s nice to see more of daylight, even though I get burnt so fast. Like today, 11 am on my fire escape and it’s absolutely freezing but I’m out there anyway trying to get my vitamin D and regulate my sleep with direct sunlight going into my eyes, six minutes and I actually get burnt. I mean, in Seattle and Chicago and Eugene I sat in the sun that felt warm, hot actually, and I didn’t get burnt at all -- makes me think that at some point I might have to move further North, although right now it’s Santa Fe that’s in the picture -- Santa Fe with this earlier schedule and I guess that means facing that dramatic sunshine in a more intense way. In Santa Fe, you’re so high up that the sun feels closer. I mean it is closer. If I move there, I’ll have to make a serious investment in sun hats and sunscreen, sandals and tank tops -- even if people say that it doesn’t really get that warm. I mean people who live there. Everyone else says it’s insanely hot, how will you deal? And I guess I won’t know until I’m there.


kayti said...

just imagine all you could get done with this new schedule. see now i made you tired.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...


And yes, that did make me tired :)

Love --

Erica said...

just found your writing here, better late then never, i suppose?...hmm, well mattilda, i am very glad to hear you are changing your sleep schedule, when i did that about 3 years ago it really changed my life. give it time to start working, your organs will be happily regenerating when they are supposed to at like midnight or something and the whole constitution of the body starts to change. OK secondly, SANTA FE?! really? hmmm. i don't know what to say. is there something drawing you there? well i am seriously considering moving back to the east bay right now, as portland is making my depression deeper and deeper while i was hoping the supposed ease of life here would produce the opposite effect. i am realizing that although i find the bay area exhausting, some things are even worse, like being alone in a city that rains and rains. or being alone in a city where the new friends you are trying to make after a 4 year relationship ended never make it to hang out dates. So... anyway, stay till the end of summer doll i want to hang out with you.

I LOVE YOU! glad i found your blog. xoxoxo erica b.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Erica, so lovely to hear from you!

And yes, we'll see about the organs regenerating -- I mean, in the past (like, for the last 20 years), anytime I got up earlier it just wrecked wrecked wrecked me (or it was some drugged-out sunrise, which, um, also wrecked me) -- but now, since it seems to be working, I'll try it as long as I can...

I know what you mean about the Northwest -- I never liked the sun at all until I lived in Seattle, and then I realized how much I needed it.

And yes, being alone in a city where new friends don't work out is almost worse than being alone in a city where old friends don't work out...

I think I need to leave, and go somewhere dramatically different in terms of climate -- environmentally, socially, culturally -- just to see if it changes my health, that's my experiment. I'm not sure Santa Fe is the best fit, but I do want somewhere with super-clean, dry air, since everywhere I've lived has been pretty much moist and coastal, and Santa Fe isn't so hot as the rest of the Southwest -- who knows. I'll be here until the fall in any case, so it would be lovely to see you!

Love --