Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Someplace to stay

Music is the key for this train, it brings me out of body breakdown and into party magic -- these beats and that view, yes these beats. I think maybe I’ll move to Santa Fe – what do I have to lose? Andee says I’ll get bored after six weeks, but boredom isn’t really one of my problems. Loneliness is a different story.

I’m looking forward to getting back to San Francisco, but what’s there for me except stability, or something like it. Stability and loneliness. Finally we can get off the train in Minneapolis, or the stop that’s in some office park halfway between Minneapolis and St. Paul, but yes this air oh this air and then I’m walking on the side of some industrial drive, walking in the grass with all this air and no way, there are rabbits just down the street, wild rabbits with big beady glazed eyes like maybe they’re eating something really strange but this air, and yes it’s this break from the train and the train that make me think: this is the beginning of the rest of my life. Until: the next day and I can’t believe there are 24 more hours, 26 actually – I told myself I should never do this train again, my sinuses are wrecked and I’m telling Gina to remind me next time – it’s easy, she says: 2 days is 2 much, right?

Until Glacier National Park and I’m in the observation car – some guy is giving an impromptu talk about avalanches versus skiing -- that’s the path of an avalanche, no one could see there, unless you were ready to die, and then you could have some fun on the way, he says, but only if you were ready to die. And the guy next to me wonders if I might know his brother, who lives in Portland – I guess maybe he’s trying to tell me his brother’s gay. Then suddenly then there are moose, elk, deer right by the train and everyone is talking to one another, pointing out discoveries just before sunset in the snowy mountains, right this is where I’ll stop, next time I’ll stop somewhere around here, I’ll find some place to stay and I’ll stop.

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