Friday, July 30, 2010

All the light

Okay, so I’m lying in bed in the middle of the night, awake from getting up to piss and now there’s all this bloating, better turn back to the right side and I’m thinking well, at least now it comes out -- I mean I’m burping, it’s not stuck. And then, guess what? Within a few minutes, it is stuck, I mean I can’t continue lying down, I sit up so that I can release all this pain, back to lying down, rubbing my belly, sitting up, lying down, this isn’t working.

I guess the good thing about going to bed earlier is that when I wake up in the middle of the night, it’s really the middle of the night. I mean it’s dark. I take off the eye mask, even though I’m thinking no, I shouldn’t take off the eye mask. But it’s irritating my eyes. Maybe I shouldn’t put it on so early, but I want to block out all the light. All the light.

Eventually I fall back asleep. Eventually I wake up. I take the new herbs from the acupuncturist, the ones that are supposed to focus on digestion. I don’t know why the last one didn’t focus on digestion. They just made everything worse. No, not everything -- they made me wired and drained, way more exhausted. I take the new herbs. Very bitter, but at least they don’t give me that edginess. Actually, I think they make me feel sad. Sad is better than edgy. Maybe I already felt sad.

But now my throat is dry, I can’t remember how many times I’ve said not to give me anything that will make my throat dry, because I already have to drink so much water and I think that’s part of what makes my digestion so useless. But anyway, the herbs dry out my throat. I think I better cancel my membership at the gym, I’m not going to get back to the pool before I leave. But canceling my membership at the gym makes me feel sad too. Hopefully they’ll be somewhere with a chlorine-free pool in Santa Fe, I mean if I move to Santa Fe.

My jaw is hurting more and more, actually my pain has gotten worse again over the last few weeks, maybe because of the bloating or because my sleep got worse, or because I’ve been editing more, but anyway my arms especially. Today I’m going to the dentist, and sitting in that chair always makes everything worse. It’s sunny out now, maybe I’ll go sit on the fire escape.

The fire escape doesn’t help. I go outside -- no obvious tourists around, rare for this time of year. I walk too far. Everything hurts more.

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